Hello i tried to incorporate some of my life experiances with a dash of light hearted humor, is this a good approach? or is it a big no no ? Thanks!
Favorite book and why?
"Peony in Love" by Lisa See has grown to be one of my favorite books because it not only satisfies my obsession for suspense romance novels but it also teaches a good life lesson I can relate to. The novel emphasizes on the importance of living in the present and not dwelling in the past.
Set in seventeenth century China after the Cataclysm, Peony in Love revolves around a young girl named Peony. From the start, Peony is fully aware of her destiny as a girl to be betrothed into a family and honor her husband with sons. However Peony's clear vision of the future becomes blurred when she meets a mysterious handsome stranger. Instantly overcome with grief she will not marry a man she loves, Peony slowly begins to waste away. Fate is not so kind with Peony when she learns during her last breaths of air that her future husband is indeed that mysterious stranger.
During freshman year my experience relates to Peony's adversity. Entering high school I knew exactly what to expect intense school work and strict teachers. However the center of what seemed my world shifted when my dad ended up in a hospital bed due to a heart attack. More than anything I first felt shocked and reluctant; eventually the situation sunk in but i did not let it consume me. Instead after my dad's triple bypass with his new chance at life I also felt entitled to a new beginning, to restore myself and change my flinching reactions to hideous report card scores. With this in mind, a new beginning should be accompanied with a new atmosphere so I decided to confirm my acceptance into my districts magnet school. Whom I now proudly represent, interning for at hospitals and hospices helping people who are in similar circumstances as my father once was.
Ultimately this book is significant to me because it makes me think. Think of the importance of not letting the past or school rejections act as an anchor and pull me down. Think of the importance of being optimistic about the future, for there will always be something positive waiting for me. Lastly think, about the truth behind the hackenyed phrase "when one door closes another one will open" so there is no reason to dwell in the past, only look forward to the future.
"My favorite book is called Peony in Love by Lisa See ."
That first sentences seems like it might be unnecessary. The second sentence says something similar to the first, the only difference is that the book "has grown" to be your favorite, and you expound on that.
"During freshman year, my experience closely relates to Peony's (protagonist of Peony in Love) adversity. Entering high school I knew exactly what to expect - intense school work and strict teachers. However, the center of what seemed my world shifted when my dad ended up in a hospital bed due to a heart attack. More than anything, I first felt shocked and reluctant; eventually the situation sunk in and consumed me."
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This section confused me:
"No, I did not slowly waste away. And don't worry my sob story ends here; this is why I mentioned above "something's similar". Instead after my dad's triple bypass with his new chance at life I also felt entitled to a new beginning, to restore myself and change my flinching reactions to hideous report card scores."
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"With this in mind, a new beginning should be accompanied with a new atmosphere so I decided to confirm my acceptance into my districts magnet school. Whom I now proudly represent, interning for at hospitals and hospices helping people who are in similar circumstances as my father once was."
"Ultimately this book is significant to me because it makes me think. Think of the importance of not letting the past or school rejections act as an anchor and pull me down. It makes me think of the importance of being optimistic about the future, for there will always be something positive waiting for me. Lastly it makes methink, about..."
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This section confused me:
"(bringing light to the hackneyed phrase) when one door closes another one will open, whereas sometimes an ironic twist of fate can happen, when that opened door leads you right where you wanted to go all along."
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I think it could be better if you wrote a little bit about what the story is about, and then compare that to your own life. When you look at the story and your life, side by side, it will make it more clear why you like the story. Right now, I'm not sure what Peony in Love is about, so I can't really see how it compares to what happened in your life.
By the way, sorry about the crappy editing. How do I write text in red? I wasn't able to find a post about that on the forum.
hi thanks ! I actualy did include a short summary of the book but for some reason i took it off
this is still a very rough draft please help. please and thank you =)
I think one the "requirements" of writing an essay is having a clear thesis sentence, which is a sort of summery of the rest of your essay. Can you also have a thesis paragraph? I'm not sure. But if you were going to make one individual thesis sentence you might try to combine your first paragraph into:
"'Peony in Love' by Lisa See has grown to be one of my favorite books because it not only satisfies my obsession for suspense romance novels, but it also teaches the importance of living in the present and not dwelling in the past."
And then write some more stuff as an introduction.
I like the summery of the book, by the way. You captured the plot's twist very nicely.
Jerry, that is some great advice. Actually, the thesis sentence often goes at the end of the first paragraph. You can think of the intro para as a "thesis paragraph," as you mentioned. You are totally right: the thesis sentence is the essence of the whole essay.
About the red font, I think you get that when you become a EF Contributor, but for now you can use bold. See the contributor link at the bottom of the page.
Now, it is true that this needs a thesis sentence. Sum up the relationship between Peony's revelation and your revelation.
"Revolves around" is a weird colloquialism; you should just write that it is centered on a young girl named Peony:
Set in seventeenth century China after the Cataclysm, Peony in Love revolves around a young girl named Peony.
Now, at the end, I am not sure exactly how your Dad's medical trouble relates to what Peony discovered... well, i see that you had a revelation, an heightened perspective, and it resulted from the medical trouble... so, that is like Peony because of something that elevated her perspective? Maybe you can explain it a little better. :)
