People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income.

IELTS WRITING TASK 2: HEALTHCARE

Hello everyone. My name's Giang. I'm going to take IELTS exam next summer, so I really need your help to improve my writing skills.

[TOPIC]
Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available"

[ESSAY]
In more recent decades, the issue of whether the same quality of healthcare and treatment should be provided to every resident has remained a matter for debate. This essay will explain why the idea mentioned above should not be bring into reality.

To begin with, there would be much more presure putting on the healthcare system if all indivisuals had access to the most advanced medical treatments. To take the National Health Service in the United Kingdom as a classic example, the state hospitals are difficult to run in spite of their extreme effords, because they always have very long waiting lists for operations and appointments. As an ineviable consequence, a lot of people may suffer from slow treatment. This example illustrates the current situation in which patients are being equally treated with the latest remedies.

Another reason is that such ideal policy which guarantee people with the adequate health services may constrain the national development. First, because the government must invest a large amount of the tax money in healthcare, other areas such as education and environment will suffer from cutbacks and underfunding. Second, people may take the welfare state for granted, so they do not have to work hard but still be able to enjoy a reasonable quality of lives. In these ways, giving out the same level of treatment to every patient is capable of damaging the economy.

In conclusion, I believe that we should not provide adequate healthcare to the public for our own interest as well as the whole nation.

Thank you for checking my work!

Hello giang, i just want to point out spelling mistakes, in paragraph 2 line 1 indivisuals, and paragraph 2 line 2 effords. Although i am pretty sure those are just only typos you accidentally made.

And about your conclusion i think you should point out one of your reasons there, for example:
In conclusion, I believe that we should not provide adequate healthcare to the public for our own interest as well as the whole nation because it will take too much portion of the tax money.

However since i am a newbie as well, please do not classify this as an expert opinion but rather peer input. Good luck!

I know for sure they are not mistakes :))))
Anyway, thank you for helping me.