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Some people agree with the growing up infrastructure such us adding more railways than roads

yogann 1 / 1  
Oct 31, 2017   #1
IELTS Task 2. I hope anyone could check my writing Thank you so much

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. Do you agree or disagree?

smart country with good transportation

In my country,some people agree with the growing up infrastructure such us adding more railways than roads but the other does not agree with that statement. In my thinking, build up the the railways are better than roads.

First of all, people need a simple and safety way. In my region, using train as transportation is the best way to choose because it is very comfortable and saving time. For example, when the society need to go work fast , if they use private vehicle it will be spent their time because they will face the traffic jam even the roads are made more bigger or wide . Then , the society feel convenient using train because it has good facility such as led tv, music ,and nice seat . On the other hand , people has no sense of unsafe if they bring private vehicle or using public transportation on the roads. In the last week, 70% accident came from on the roads based on "MMS Highway Company" . This happen that people less of concentration ,not obey the law ,and do not care safety driving .

The rail roads development will increase the economy sector in the rural area . All kind of needs will come quickly. For instance, the daily necessities are covered by train which is the time rate from one area to other areas that is not take much time . There is no traffic jam and also problem on the roads . Thus, it will reduce the accident also decrease the society to buy personal transportation.

In conclusion, I believe that if government spent money for railroads construction, it will be more advantages for the society rather than government develop roads. There is a big chance the government to transform become smart country with good transportation .

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,631 2521  
Oct 31, 2017   #2
Yoga, since this is your first ever task 2 essay at this forum, I will go easy on you and guide you towards the proper formatting first as that is what you have a problem with at the moment. Once you know what the format is, you will find it easier to write the upcoming practice tests. Before I go into that though, I have to ask you to please post the full original prompt with your next essay. I always require the full original prompt to serve as the basis of my scoring and advising in order to improve your work. Now, lets get started.

Your opening statement indicates that you are already discussing the essay. That is not the purpose of the opening statement. The opening statement should only reflect your own presentation of the prompt for discussion, the reasons for the discussion, and what your discussion instructions are. In this case, you will lose major TA points due to the inaccuracy of your opening statement. If I were to base my version of the opening statement on the information you provided, it would be:

Some people believe that public funds should be spend on railways. Others, support the idea that the tax money should be spend on roads. In this essay, I will be presenting a discussion regarding which side of the discussion I support.

Note how I used a totally different presentation, along with synonyms for the keywords in order to indicated my understanding of the essay. Your paraphrase should be totally different from the original prompt, without discussing the essay immediately. Since it is impossible to properly discuss the reasons in the opening paragraph due to the sentence requirement, it is best that you do not fall into that habit.

In the actual test setting, you will be unable to access the internet in order to use researched information. Don't begin that practice in your practice test. Instead, you should use common knowledge, assumptions, or personal experience to illustrate your essay discussion points.

The concluding statement is not the place to discuss your personal opinion. Do not use closing paragraph phrases to start your opinion section because a continued discussion does not qualify as a concluding statement. Only a summary of the discussion passes for such.

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