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Some people argue that businesses have to focus on making money and profit on what they produce.


nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should to concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree?


At present, businesses are one of sectors that have a big opportunity and profit. Some people argue businesses have to focus on making money and profit on what they produce. Personally, I tend to disagree with this view since I believe presence of businesses play an important role in society and making contribution to local community.

Making money is the main part of what businesses do. They have to make profit to make their effort still stand out. Businesses also have to make income on what they produce so that the production processes do not stop.

However, I think there are many roles that businesses have to do aside from produce profits. It related to the society. They have to make contribution to local community. For instance, open requirement in where are businesses located for job to local people as priority. By this requirement more people have a job, and surely affected to local community living standard. Presence of businesses also can make an area more popular if the business produces something that special from the local community. For example, there is a food namely "Dodol Garut" in Indonesia. It is so popular. Initially of this food is started in local area called Garut. It attracts other people in that place to produce it because of interesting profit. Until now, Dodol Garut have been produced and become unique food of that area. This is businesses role to increase a local community's name.

All in all, I believe that presence of businesses not only for money or profit. It has an important role for society. Businesses also have to make contribution on local community.

IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Hi Ms. Nuraini. Here are my suggestions for you.

(1.) At present, businesses are one of the sectors that have ...

(2.) ... role in society and making some contributions to local community.

(3.) ... that the production processes willdo not stop.

(4.) It is related to the society. They have to make the contribution to local community.
... requirement in where are businesses located for job to ...
you can say: the company will make a priority for people who live in the place near the company.

(5.) By this requirement more people have a job, and surely ...
this will overcome the problem and solve the unemployment of local community so that their welfare is predicted to increase

(6.) Presence of businesses also cancan also make an area ...
For example, there is a popular food namely "Dodol Garut" in Indonesia. It(,) which is so popular. Initially of this food is started ...

I hope it can be useful for you.
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Nov 2, 2016   #3
Hi Nuraini, as I go through the essay, I believe it can still be enhanced and below are my suggestions.

- At presentNowadays , businesses are one of those sectors that
- have abrings big opportunity and profit.
- Some people argue that businesses
- view sinceas I believe that the presence of the businesses
- play an important role in the society
- and making contribution to the local community.

- They have to make a profit to make t...
- Businesses also have to makecreate an income
- ... the production processes do not stopcontinues .

There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last two paragraphs so you can practice editing the essay yourself as this will also help you develop your editing skills and proof reading.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Nov 2, 2016   #4
Hi Nuraini, I decided to continue with the modification of your essay so you will be able to see the difference of the edited one to the original draft that you have written.

- However, I thinkbelieve there are many
- roles that businesses havehas to do aside
- from producemaking profits.
- It is related to the society.
- They have to make contribution to the local community.
- For instance, open requirement in where are businesses located for jobproviding jobs to the local people as priority. - ByThrough this,requirement more
- people will have a job,
- and will surely affected toimprove the local community living standard.
- This is one of the businesses role to increase the living standard of a local community's name .

- All inOver all, I believe that the presence
- of businesses should not onlystrive for the money or profit. It has an important role forto the society. Businesses also have to make contribution oncontribute to the local community.

There you have it Nuraini, I hope the above remarks are helpful to the overall revision of your essay.


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