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Some people argue that cars should be banned in city centres while others are against this idea.


chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 14, 2017   #1
TOPIC:-Some people argue that cars should be banned in city centres while others are against this idea. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

no access for cars to the downtowns



Nowadays, cars have become an efficient means of transportation. The invention of cars has provided comfort and reduced travel time, but at the same time has caused serious environmental threats, like noise and air pollution. Some people are in favour of banning the cars in city centres to solve these issues. However, there are a few who share a different perspective.

The growing popularity of the cars has caused serious traffic problems and environmental issues. Some people think that abandoning this four-wheeled vehicle will reduce congestion. This would further reduce the stress level of the people caused due to the daily traffic jams. Furthermore, this will be a significant step to tackle environmental threats by reducing air and noise pollution. As these cars run on fuel, like petrol, diesel etc. The harmful gases are released due to the constant burning of these fuels, resulting in the rise in air pollution and several hazardous diseases amongst individuals. Henceforth, forbidding the motorcars would lead to a healthy environment and preservation of the non-renewable fossil fuels.

However, there is a flip side to it. Restricting the four-wheeled vehicle would negatively impact the overall economy of the country. Automobile industries significantly contribute to the growth and development of the country by providing a wide variety of employment opportunities. Casting out these vehicles will drop the production and hence resulting in the shutdown of several car manufacturing firms. This would further lead to unemployment and other redundancies.

In my opinion, banning the cars is not a wise resolution to tackle the environmental issues. However, the government should encourage the people to restrict the use of it by providing an efficient and economical means of public transportation. They should roll out awareness programs to encourage the individuals to car-pool and explore other means of transportation.
sakamotomari - / 1  
Nov 14, 2017   #2
Hi!
I think the 3rd paragraph is kind of off the point. The topic says "ban cars in city centres", which is quite different from "ban cars". So you might lose some score in "task response".

I am not a native so I could give little advice on the sentence structure or alternative of words...Feel sorry for that.
Good luck to you: )
OP chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 14, 2017   #3
The topic states Some people argue that cars should be banned in city centres while others are against this idea.
So First view is that why the cars should be banned that is explained in second paragraph
Second view is that people are against banning the cars so the reason why people are against is provided in the 3rd paragraph

Please let me know as to why is off track
OP chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 14, 2017   #4
I have modified the third paragraph, please suggest if this is better:-

However, there is a flip side to it. Restricting the four-wheeled vehicle, especially in city centres would negatively impact the overall economy of the country. Automobile industries significantly contribute to the growth and development of the country by providing a wide variety of employment opportunities. Casting out these vehicles around the city centres will reduce the demand of new cars which will drop the production and hence resulting in the shutdown of several car manufacturing firms. This would further lead to unemployment and other redundancies.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15048 4830  
Nov 14, 2017   #5
Chinky, did you provide us with the complete original prompt? The reason I am asking is because the prompt paraphrase that you created separate so much in context from the original prompt that this would cause an automatic failure of the essay in the scoring system. The prompt paraphrase that you created for not accurately reflect the original prompt and as such, would receive a failing TA score. You have to remember that the opening paraphrase is not the place to start the discussion of the actual discussion of the prompt. That does not start until the second paragraph. You have inaccurately represented the prompt requirements. Just look at the original content:

Topic: cars should be banned in city centres
Instruction: Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

Look at the prompt paraphrase and you will see that what you presented for the discussion is nothing near the target areas of the original prompt. The proper paraphrase is:

There are people who would like to prevent the use of cars in city centres. Others believe that cars should continue to be allowed in the city centres. In this essay, I will discuss each side of the argument before offering my personal opinion.

There seems to be a missing piece of information in the discussion that you presented. That is, what are the two reasons that represent each side? That is why I think the essay prompt you provided is incomplete. There are usually reasons already presented in the original prompt in order to give you a basis for your discussion. In this instance, you made up that information. Which could lead to low scores if it is proven that you are discussing off topic issues in the essay.

This is supposed to be a 5 paragraph essay since you are being asked to present a personal opinion. A common mistake among the test takers is that they normally use the personal statement to conclude the essay. That is the wrong approach to the essay. Your opinion is still part of the body paragraphs and therefore, cannot be counted as a concluding statement. That is always a summary statement at the end of the essay.


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