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People argue on the fundamental external and internal communication skills, which is better in a job


ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
The table gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

The table compares the number of people who argue about the essential external and internal communication skills in their job in 1997 and 2006. Overall, it can be seen that the important thing in external communication is dealing with people and in internal communication is listening carefully to colleagues.

In 1997, 60 percent is the percentage of people who asked about dealing with people, it is needed in communication skill, especially external communication. Then, the same question was asked in 2006 and the percentage increase at 65 percent. Selling a product or serving are not essential enough in external communication, which is the percentage of people argue this communication skills is smaller than other, which is in 1997 and 2006 just 24 percent and 21 percent. For other skills, the number of people have view about kinds of external communication skills is under 40 percent.

On the other hand, listening carefully to colleagues is kind of internal communication skill, which is the number of people said, it is useful for their job is 30 percent in 1998 and it is increase become 47 percent in 2006. While, the lowest percentage is make speeches or presentation. People just argue that, it is 7 percent influence for their job in 1997 and 11 percent in 2006. And the other factors just have percentage smaller than 21 percent.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
Hi Reski,
Kindly find my remarks below to help you compose a better essay later on.

1st paragraph:
- ... skills in their jobs in 1997 and 2006.
- Overall, it can be seen that the most important thing in external communication iswas dealing with people and in internal communication iswas listening carefully to colleagues.

- Moreover, ... (add one more sentence here and explain further. Your explanation in overview was too general. You need to "select" the main pointS not only one particular thing like what you've done)

2nd paragraph:
- In 1997, 60 percent iswas the percentage of (...) with people, it iswas needed in communication skill, ... (This has to be in past form)
- ... and the percentage increaseD at 65 percent.
- Selling a product or serving areis not quite essential enough in external communication, which iswas the percentage of (...) communication skills iswas smaller than other,...

Without checking further, I can notice that the major errors come from your grammatical range and accuracy part. You need to bear in mind that when something is happening in the past, it must be written in a past form, especially in IELTS task 1 when the essay has a "timeline" or year that indicates that something happened in the past.

Hope this helps :)


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