Technological advancements have revolutionized the market recently. Whilst a wide range of individuals opine that state-of-the-art technology has been conducive to shopping today, others are frowned upon. I subscribe to the former notion. This essay will elaborate on both sides and my perspective.
To commence with, the rationales why numerous people hold the opinion that e-commerce is nothing to get excited about, and even presents several troubles vary. Firstly, customers are liable for being fraught with problems of delay in the delivery. It probably takes more some days for their purchases to reach their hand, which seems to be a real nuisance to those who urgently need something on special occasions such as Christmas and Tet holiday when sales volumes are likely to increase. In contrast, should individuals purchase in a brick-and-mortar store, they can receive it at once. Secondly, sending goods back would be a big headache because there have been striking variations between return policies of manifold e-commerce shops. Packaging, for instance, can pose minor problems. Worse still, it would appear that in some cases you have to bear the cost of delivery.
Nevertheless, I am in favor of the opinion that shopping is increasingly facilitated by the proliferation of technology. The first justification is that prospective buyers may be empowered to achieve some substantial savings. When visiting boutiques, sales assistants tend to lure them into purchasing unnecessary items with clever advertising. That shoppers get to proceed at their own space, however, may enable them to resist the urgent to purchase everything. Moreover, those can also avail themselves of coupons from retail stores and free shipping, aiming to buy at bargain prices and decrease full amounts. The second reason is that online shopping could alleviate the transmission of pathogens. To be specific, it can ensure effective social distancing and prevent community spread, thereby exerting a positive influence on societies during the COVID-19 pandemic. Take me as an example, only with one click did I overcome onerous quarantine at home with a view to avoiding being potentially exposed to COVID -19 cases.
To sum up, I suppose that simplification in e-commerce business powered by cutting-edge technology can be ascribed to assistance in saving money and a substantial reduction in health and safety risks.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Do not refer to recent technological advancements in the discussion since there was no such reference in the original prompt. Just remove the word "recently" and the restatement would be more appropriate. There is a confusion presented in the mention of the second point of view. That sentence is improperly structured. It should have said "Others frown upon this practice". When you mentioned the point of view that you "subscribe to", then the next sentence should have been the reason why you support that point of view. The repetition of the discussion instructions will result in a lower score since the writer's opinion remained unsupported in the thesis presentation.
Focus more on the clarity of the reasoning basis than the presentation of reasons. I found myself highly confused by the constant reasoning, but little explained information to support it. The paragraph ended up being full of reasons, but lacking in clarity of thought and explanation development. The fact that the sentences were not well formed also added to this jumbled discussion paragraph. Next time, think of a good reason, explain the public opinion, then tell the reader what you think of that opinion. The examiner is looking for thought clarity, not reasoning numbers.
The personal opinion discussion is well developed. I am impressed, even as the sentence structures are imperfectly written. However, the lack of proper public opinion referencing in relation to the 2nd discussion point will be a scoring drawback for this opinion paper. The writer should be using the 3 paragraph format presentation that works on explaining the 2 public opinions separately before presenting his own opinion in support of a public perception.
As far as the score will go, the essay may get a low but passing score because of the missing discussion point and GRA problems. If the writer will focus on discussion clarity instead of reasoning number, he may improve his scores in his next essay.
