TOEFL: why do people attend college; 'it offers much more than life preparation'

please help me-- thank you
topic: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge) why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

College or university is a primitive choice of many students nowadays. For them, college is a crucial step into their future life which provides them with many opportunities in life and each of them has different reasons to attend the college. In my point of view, people attend college or university for their career preparation, new experiences and increased knowledge.

First and foremost, career preparation is one of vital reasons for going to college. The world is changing rapidly and our life has become more and more competitive; even a very simple job with low salary attracts hundreds of candidates. Thus, students who go to college open up more choices for their career. Moreover, higher education can help them build up a better job because in hi-tech world, most of job requires more brain power than muscle power. Everyone desires to have a good job, and college give them a chance to acquire it.

Beside career preparation, students attend college because they want to have new experiences. For many, attending college gives them a shot at living their own life for which they have to arrange everything by themselves. In addition, in college environment, they have a gold opportunities to learn how to cooperate with others, how to handle problems, how to be a good leader and others skills.

Last but not least, college is a good environment to acquire knowledge. In college, students will be taught both theory and practice which will broaden their knowledge in their field to become professional. There are a variety of resources, provided by most college, to help them through college, including professor, professional, Doctor of Philosophy and so on. In short, students' knowledge will turn to a new chapter by studying in college.

In a word, college or university gives students a shot at preparing for their career, experiencing new things and increasing knowledge. College or university help students' life turn over a new leaf. Hence, if anyone is burning an ambition of being a college student, they should try their best to make it become true because college offers much more than life preparation.

(348 words)

Let me try one:

Students of university have different opinions about attending classes. Some students argue that they attend classes for new experiences, while others believe that this is for the preparation of the career. In my opinion, university students have enough maturity to decide what is more appropriate for them. Therefore, I strongly agree that the main objective of attending college or university is to acquire knowledge.


and


These bring no values. Omit them.



Why don't you use the common ones? Let's say: In conclusion...


What are you trying to say here? Please, write very clearly. don't leave vague ideas.

Most of your paragraphs are short.

.... a primitive choice? I feel you have chosen a wrong word there? Or what do you try to mean by that?
College or university is an important choice for many students nowadays.

For them, college is a crucial step intothat decides the success of their future life which providesby providing them with many opportunities in life and each of them has different reasons to attend the college

Start a new line to tell the second idea;
However, each student has his own different reasons for attending college.