Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

More people become well-known for their scandals and wealth, instead of their exceptional talent

nhidinh1231 4 / 8 2  
Nov 30, 2021   #1

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements

In this technology day and age, more and more people become well-known for their scandals and rich, instead of their exceptional talent. Besides that, there are many contradictory discussions surrounding this topic, whether that this would have a wide-scale negative or positive impact on youngsters. Personally, I think that the famous-by-rich celebrities would both set good and bad examples for the adolescents which depend on their circumstances.

On the one hand, many people launch into fame by showing off their luxurious lifestyle, of which they easily buy and own unaffordable assets, making the rest desire to be like them. The young generation these days, especially those with low cognitive ability, easy to be tempted to imitate to buy expensive items to just be like their idol, regardless of how hard and difficult they need to afford those things. Some famous people have realized this situation, but instead of using their fame and spoken power to stop this case of a situation, they ignored it and even felt happy to feel themself have enormous impacts. Additionally, some celebrities nowadays literally do not need to make money to have a wealthy style but inherit or use their parents' handsome amount of money, adversely affecting the adolescents nowadays to depend more on their parents to pursue what they want, instead of eaning by themself, leading to the hedonistic lifestyle.

On the other hand, the fact that some famous people are known for their scandalous lifestyle did not mean all of the glamorous are the same. Some cases that people tried by themself, making effort on pursuing their dreams, being wealthy thanks to their excellent achievements. For example, Mark Zuckerberg, who become famous for being the founder and CEO of Facebook, gave inspiration to the young by his recipe to succeed, including waking up early, reading books, not focusing too much on what you wear every day, etc, making a significant change on some of the young's lifestyles. This kind of self-made celebrity creates and contributes a sustainable impact on the young's success.

In conclusion, some rich celebrities are well-known for their fancy style, instead of their outstanding talent, actually having negative impacts on the young generation, but to a certain point, there are also many wealthy famous people who influence positively to the young generations thanks to their strong determination and hard work. In my opinion, I think we should be selectively smart in choosing their role models, not just by their performance through social media, but also their real characteristics.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,289 3984  
Nov 30, 2021   #2
You are over discussing this essay to the point where you will not be able to complete all the task requirements within the 40 minute writing allowance. There should not be more than 300 words in your final copy. There must be less of a focus on word count and more on clarity of logic, reasoning, and simplicity of the presentation. Keep it within 5 sentences per paragraph, with no more than 3 cohesive reasoning paragraphs in the presentation.

For this type of essay, only 2 reasoning paragraphs would be sufficient. No need to over discuss. Keep track of the time allowance. This is not a comparison essay. It is a single opinion discussion essay. That means, you defend your opinion using 2 clear reasons in individual paragraphs. Only the reason(s) related to your opinion will be scored. All other lengthy but unrelated discussions will not be considered within scoring requirements.

Home / Writing Feedback / More people become well-known for their scandals and wealth, instead of their exceptional talent