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Some people believe that the amount of time that is put into art could be better managed


just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 17, 2017   #1
Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.
Discuss both views and give your opinion
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


art courses in schools



Children learn a lot of subjects at school, one of them is art, which some people think is necessary while others totally disagree and believe that the amount of time that is put into art could be better managed. In this essay, I will discuss both points of views.

From one hand, there are a lot of people believe that art should be one of the courses at school because it develops cognitive skills in children, everything is possible when it comes to art, for example in drawing, one can draw and show his/her imagination on a piece of paper, it helps them to think freely.

From the other hand, there are parents who think there are no points in learning art for their child, they argue that the time could be better spent, for example, adding extra time to mathematics and physics courses. because in future nobody cares about art, but math going to have a positive impact.

Lastly, I think the art course is really important, especially for children because it opens a new door for them, full of opportunities, I remember my school days when I couldn't wait for the art course, I enjoyed every minute of it. In school, we learned how to play music and it really changed my understanding of music for the rest of my life.

In conclusion, we discussed people's opinion about art course in schools, some people think it is positive, while others not. And at the last paragraph, I mentioned my own idea about the topic.

(259 Words)
madeline8484 1 / 1  
Oct 18, 2017   #2
HIHI,
1. You can paraphrase some word. etc.For example=For instance
2. Use could not instead of couldn't
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,699 3503  
Oct 18, 2017   #3
@just_writer writing more than the minimum word requirement is useless if you do not deliver on the expected scoring considerations of an IELTS essay. Your TA score will be based on your paraphrasing, which was inadequate due to an incomplete presentation in this instance. Your LR score requires you to write expanded paragraphs in order to prove that you have enough English vocabulary knowledge to at least have a simple discussion with people. The C&C, is required to show that you are capable of presenting solid thoughts and information in a manner that your future teacher will be able to understand. The overall presentation and word count, including proper sentence development and punctuation is scored in the GRA section. The fact that you under delivered and created mostly run-on sentences in this essay tells me that you will not get a very good score had this been an actual test.

In the TA section, your paraphrasing doesn't offer a comprehensive understanding of the original prompt This should have been presented in complete sentences in order to qualify as a complete paragraph. Take this as an example:

While art is considered as one of the more important subjects in school by some, others do not believe that this is a viable use of learning hours. Both points of views shall be discussed in this essay along with my personal take on the topic. Additionally, I will be providing supporting elements and precedents that can help support my presentation.

Please notice how I completed represented the prompt discussion topic and information presentation style in a manner that uses different words from the original, but still kept the original meaning. That is how you paraphrase a statement. This is what makes a strong TA assessment presentation as well.

As for your paragraph problems, you just have to remember that the more sentences you present, the more useful words you will be using in your discussion. The individual sentences help to increase the C&C, LR, and GRA scores. Writing one complete thought in an extremely long sentence is not only useless because your sentence doesn't really make a point, but also because the reader will not be able to connect the ideas you are presenting in order to better understand your presentation.
OP just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 18, 2017   #4
Hello @Holt,

For the introduction, in this essay, I taught my paraphrasing was good. I try to not to use the topic words. But obviously, it wasn't enough. which lead me to a question, do the words have to be completely different and try using big words? I think the only word that I took from the topic was "time". So, the reason that my paraphrasing wasn't good enough was because of grammatical errors or range of vocabulary that I used?

Writing one complete thought in an extremely long sentence is not only useless because your sentence doesn't really make a point

Can I ask for one example in my essay? I want to try avoiding this kind of mistake.

Thank you very much.
Competent_Anna - / 2  
Oct 18, 2017   #5
Your second point on: parents who think there are no points in learning art for their child, is not strong enough as well as convincing. I think the topic is interesting to work on and should have more points put into it than you have delivered.


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