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IELTS: Some people believe that competitive sports have no place in the school curriculum.


Alison 5 / 13  
Feb 3, 2014   #1
Task 2 Essay: Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far do you agree or disagree?

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Over the years, there has been continuous debate on whether or not to keep competitive sports as part of school curriculum. As school is a child's second home, where his or her future is being shaped, any issues regarding school curriculum are worth contemplating. Having competitive sports at schools, like most of the cases, has both pros and cons. However, in my opinion, it has more advantages than disadvantages.

One obvious plus point for having sports at school, either team or individual, is that it promotes good health. It is undeniable that exercising can prevent obesity and many other diseases and doing sports is the best way of exercising. Moreover, doing sports can release stress which is very important for children of today as youngsters suicide rate are getting higher and higher. Another advantage that competitive sports at school, when plays with team, brings is the valuable team spirit. Children learn to make friends, share their joy and have fun together. Striking for a goal as a team increases their collaborations and coordination. As a result, they are well prepared for the workplace where they will have to do the same, finishing projects together with a team. Last but not least, challenging sports have good impacts on students' mentality as well. They allow students to know how to work towards certain goals and also sharpen their leadership skills. For example, researchers have found that people who took part in competitive sports in their childhood are more likely to be initiative and have stronger mindset when they become adults.

There are also facts against having competitive sports in the school curriculum too. Some people argue that sports are time consuming and make students have lesser time to study. However, I believe that if students are taught how to manage their time well, there will be no negative impacts on their studies.

In a nutshell, after delving into the pros and cons of this issue, I stand on the side that competitive sports, both team and individual, should always be in the school curriculum.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 3, 2014   #2
where his or her future is being shaped,

... It's nicer to use direct speech;
which would shape his or her future

Over the years, there has been continuous debate on whether or not to keep competitive sports as part of school curriculum.

Good introduction. You write very well :)

You have lots of reasons here to justify your position. It's better you take each reason to a new para to form a new body paragraph. Support each reason with a specific example.
OP Alison 5 / 13  
Feb 3, 2014   #3
Thanks Pahan for taking time to read my essay. :)

You have lots of reasons here to justify your position. It's better you take each reason to a new para to form a new body paragraph.

Should I break it down to 3 paragraphs? That would result in each paragraph having just 2 or 3 sentences. Is that ok?
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 3, 2014   #4
However, in my opinion, it has more advantages than disadvantages.

This is the good introduction and you tend to make balance between merit and demerit, but in your body paragraphs are not balance when you composed the body. the second body has many sentences, while the third body only few sentences.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 4, 2014   #5
Another advantage that competitive sports at school, when plays with team,brings is the valuable team spirit

... I think it is double verbs : brings is
overall I like your essay.. Good Job!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 4, 2014   #6
Good introduction. The only missing feature is your hook because you straight away start with paraphrasing your prompt to introduce it. However, it has not done any harm and I still feel this is a very good intro :)

Should I break it down to 3 paragraphs? That would result in each paragraph having just 2 or 3 sentences. Is that ok?

Yes, that would be better. For this task, it is good to have one reason per body para. It also helps you manage time effectively. Time is also an important factor that you need to consider when performing this task.


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