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IELTS 2: Some people believe that to effort the healthy lifestyle in advanced era is extremely hard


pertiwi02 11 / 8 4  
Jan 21, 2016   #1
SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT IN THE MODERN WORLD IT IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE TO HAVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. OTHERS, HOWEVER, SAY THAT IT IS EASY FOR PEOPLE TO BE HEALTHY AND FIT IF THEY WANT TO BE.

DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.
GIVE REASONS FOR YOUR ANSWER AND INCLUDE ANY RELEVANT EXAMPLES FROM YOUR KNOWLEDGE OR EXPERIENCE


The health issue is one of debatable topic in the community these days. Some people believe that to effort the healthy lifestyle in advanced era is extremely hard, but I think to gain good health's status is easy for modern people, as long as they want to achieve it.

Several people believe that mankind in globalization era is difficult to practice healthy way of life. This is because most people is very busy almost every day to fulfill their daily needs that are very expensive. Consequently, they don't have time for doing exercise such as playing basketball, football or just cycling. This busy condition also forces them to consume unhealthy meals like fast foods. This way is fairly effective and efficient since it does not spend too much time for preparing foods. Although, plenty of people know both of these habits are very bad for their health, they do not have any choice in this condition.

However, I do not believe that these arguments are completely true. The first reason is that there are many kinds of sport can be done every time and everywhere. Taking the jogging as an example, this sport is very simple and cheap but it can burn lots of calories, so workers are not necessary to do complicated sports that need longer time. In addition, there are numerous of food stalls providing nutritious meals, particularly vegetarian food store. It is one of recommended place to find healthy food.

To conclude, even though a number of people argue that it is not easy for people in this century to have the healthy lifestyles because of their busy activities, there are a large number of ways that is possible for them to be fit and healthy as far as they want to get it.

Febri91 5 / 6 2  
Jan 21, 2016   #2
Hi, Pertiwi02

Here is my correction for your writing

The health issue is one of debatable topicS in the community these daysNOWADAYS . Some people believe that to effort the healthy lifestyleTHE EFFORT TO OBTAIN HEALTHY LIFE in advanced era is extremely ...

This is because most people isARE very busy almost every ...

However, I do not believe that these arguments are completely true.
... are many kinds of sport THAT can be done every time and everywhere. Taking the jogging as anFOR example, this sport is very ...
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 21, 2016   #3
Dini, you need to make sure that you always present the correct paragraph format to the reader. This means, that your introduction, body of paragraphs, and conclusion should not have less than 3 sentences each. As you can see from your current essay, your introduction and conclusion have less than the required number of sentences. So that automatically means that you were not able to show off your English writing skills and English thinking ability in the best manner to the reader. the longer your paragraph in terms of sentences, the more you can prove your English expertise / level of use to the reader.

Your discussion is flawed because you mention sports as a form of simple exercise that busy people can do. Keep in mind that these busy people are always working and barely have the time to eat healthily. So by asking them to engage in sports such as jogging and basketball, or any sport that requires them to go to a venue, change their clothes, and prepare for participation, goes directly against your opinion that these exercises are easy to do for busy people.

The main discussion of this essay should be the value of time in the lives of people and why the lack of it makes it difficult for them to lead healthy lifestyles. Try to think of how you can discuss the essay along those lines and then get back to us with a better developed and more relevant response to the essay prompt :-)


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