Unanswered [10] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
 DrAfT!
Home / Writing Feedback 3

Some people believe that imprisonment is the most successful way to deal with criminals. Others thin


how to deal with criminals?



Crime and punishment has been rooted in every fiber of every society's history. As rules exist to facilitate peace and order in a community, going against them is considered a crime that needs a counter action for due process to take place. Putting a person in jail has been one of the oldest type of punishment known to man. As some people consider it to be effective, some believe that other ways to give punishment to criminals should be adapted for a better community. As both views have their valid arguments, I still believe that detaining criminals in jail is the most effective form of punishment.

Detaining a person in a room or in jail has been an oldest form of punishment and has proved its effectivity over the years. Rules have not been formed overnight therefore, creating new ways of giving punishment will take time to be proved as something effecient.

Criminals are different from each other depending on the nature of the crime as well as the recurrence of the offense that has been done. Putting a person in jail over a certain period of time gives justice to both the criminal and the victim as it can be adjusted depending on how serious or how grave the offense may be. If a criminal has done a crime for the first time, for example theft, it would not be fair for him to receive the same punishment as a person who has committed the same offense for the 10th time.

Inhumane methods such as death penalty should not even be considered a good alternative as it goes against a human's right to live. Imprisonment offers a chance of remorse as well as a good opportunity for the person to renew himself. Ending a criminal's life would not make the society better in any form but promote the idea of violence as a cure for crime. Furthermore, as life has been given by the Lord, it is also up to Him to decide when and how to take it back.

Other forms of punishment such as community service may be a good alternative punishment to be considered. As long as the society will not be put at risk, penalties may be given in forms of public cleaning or service. Minor offences such as vandalism or littering are not too grave so they may cater this form of punishment to its offenders. In this way, the law-breakers are given the punishment that they deserve while helping the society as well.

In conclusion, as it can be considered that alternative ways are available to punish rule offenders. These ways are yet to prove their effectivity over time. As imprisoning a criminal has validated its effectivity in the longest time, I still do believe that this kind of punishment offers a more humane but effective outcome.

@gabby12345
I am a writing learner and just give some suggestions for your reference,if there be mistakes please overlook them.
The essay is talking in thesis "detaining criminals in jail is the most effective form of punishment",to prove the point,the writing explains from "history", "fairness"and the comparison with death penalty,and also give some suggestions about the alternative punishment.In terms of the struture of the essy ,it seems scattered and lack specific details.Especially obvious,the first support paragraph has not been adequately developed.And the last piont of alternative punishment may have little use in supporting your thesis.

All above is just for reference,let's keep writing and don't give up!
@gabby12345 : I am also practising writing for the IELTS. There are some comments on your essay from my point of views, hope they can help.

1. your topic sentence in the introduction mentioned that " you still believe that detaining criminals in jail is the most effective form of punishment." so I think that you should focus on protecting your topic sentences : 2-3 reasons why putting criminals in jail is the most effective one,

2. your conclusion is some not clear out the topic sentence

3. it's an academic essay so I think it is unsuitable to write something like as life has been given by the Lord, it is also up to Him to decide when and how to take it bad.

4. On the other hand, you have used a wide range of vocabulary and grammatica structure. Good job then


Home / Writing Feedback / Some people believe that imprisonment is the most successful way to deal with criminals. Others thin