INCREASING PETROL PRICE
I'm going to take the IELTS test 1 month later. So I hope that my essay can be corrected by you guys. Thanks for spending time on my post.
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. Do you think this way can work? What other measures do you think might be effective?
Some people believe that a rising petrol price is the best way to deal with traffic and pollution, and I totally agree with this point of view. However, I would outline several practical solutions which could be applied.
The most important reason why I believe the increase of petrol price would be the best solution for traffic and pollution problems is that it decreases the demand of fuel usage. Due to petrol price increased, many people consider if they should use public transport instead of self-driving, for saving the travel cost. For instance, car owners and motorists could turn to travel by bus or car sharing service such as Uber, so fewer private vehicles would make the traffic less heavy and reduce air pollution. Besides, the manufacturing factories would spend less gasoline causing carbon dioxide emission that may contribute to air pollution. Increasing the petrol price could reduce oil consumption of those mills and may result in less polluted atmostphere.
Meanwhile, some other possible solutions can address this issue. Firstly, governments should concentrate on the implication of a policy to encourage the use of alternative and renewable fuel sources such as wind, solar energy and water power. This means that petrol would be no longer used and the air pollution from this factor would be cut down. Secondly, a modern and convenient system of public transportation could appeal to the majority of people to commute instead of using their own vehicles. Last but not least, authorities are making efforts to build car-free cities shown good results in coping with mounting matters of traffic and pollution.
In conclusion, a broad spectrum of solutions is accessible to tackle escalating traffic and environmental pollution problems, also proposing a more expensive price of petrol can be a contributing factors to support.
(Total: 270 words)
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Please try to write a minimum of three sentences for your opening paraphrase and summary conclusion paragraphs. The 3 sentence ruling is used because a complete paragraph, as per IELTS instructions, must be composed of at least 3 sentences before it can appear to meet the C&C standards of the test. While your discussion paragraphs are within the maximum 5 sentence requirement, you do not really fully develop the discussion ideas and instead, only offer a listing of possible solutions and reasons why alternative solutions might work. To get a better C&C score, which leads to a better LR and GRA score, you need to fully develop the discussion by offering explanations and examples.
That is why it would be best for you to discuss no more than 2 related topics per paragraph so you can use a transition sentence mid-paragraph which would help to increase the clarity and strength of your explanations. By the way, the essay is written in real time, that means the timeline is in the present, not in the past. Yet there were sections where you used past tense in the essay. Be conscious of the time frame you are writing about, it could affect your GRA scores.
This is not a bad attempt at Task 2 writing. However, the problems with your presentation style are very obvious. Hopefully we can help you address those issues and polish your writing style to help you pass the test.