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Some people believe that taking their children into the boarding school is the best choice

tey 1 / -  
Mar 17, 2018   #1
Question : Some people feel that boarding schools (where students or pupils live at school during the term) are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for number of reason. consider both sides of this debate and reach a conclusion.

a boarding school - is it a good choice?

Some people believe that taking their children into the boarding school is the best choice. However, this issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can also be made against the idea. This essay will discuss the debate and give a concluding view.

On the one hand, the children who enter boarding school get used to be more discipline. That school implies tight rules and schedules that require students to obey them. By that mean, students learn how to manage their time effectively for studying, doing assignments and involving in various activities. In addition, the children are fully supervision by the teachers and this might find the best way to approach the students. Finally, the development of their skills and interests could manage well. Futhermore, the children might build an intense relationship with their friends and appear a good impact to motivate each other.

However, opponents view the tight rules in boarding school could lead depression. Example can be seen in that school, the pupils are charged to run all activities based on the schedule, meanwhile the children in that age have high desire to play or curiousity to try range of activities that they interest to. This also could encourage the children to become rebel, the more we insist something on them, the more longing to neglect it. In addition, not all children could live apart from their family. Attending boarding school make them lose their family time and family interaction as well. Another argument is bbad friends trigger bad influence. The children have unstable emotion, whereas they could not differ the positive and negative effects.

Overall, it seems advisable that the decision to join boarding school should be based on the children's desire and parents should observe well regarding the activity schedule and the environment.

Please give the feedback and band score for this essay, thank you :)

heylaa 1 / 2  
Mar 17, 2018   #2
Hi Tey,

I feel that you could expand more on each point and elaborate more as currently there are a lot of points but not much explanation on each of them. Spotted a few grammatical errors. Could improve on grammar and sentence structure. For example

could lead to depression
curiousity to try ... = are curious to try range of activities that they are interested in
become rebellious

I also feel that you could give a strong introduction to start off the essay.

Band score maybe around mid range
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,628 2518  
Mar 20, 2018   #3
Hi Tri, I believe that the highest score that this essay can get is a 4. I base this score on the way that all of your discussion paragraphs are not fully developed. The paragraphs try to discuss multiple issues at one time in the given paragraph, thus creating talking points instead of explanatory responses in the paragraph. Under developed talking points will not do your essay any good because that represents "tangential" responses. That means that the responses do not completely make sense because the discussion sentences are not interconnected.

It would be best if you practice the "one topic per paragraph" method of writing these essays as that is the expected discussion approach when you take the test. Don't get me wrong, your line of reasoning is solid, it is appropriate. It just isn't explained very well and that is the main reason why I had to lower the score of your essay. In addition to that, you also have sentence development problems. I suggest that you brush up on your English reading so that you can familiarize yourself with the English sentence structures. In addition to that, you need to brush up on your English references because you do not always use these properly. Such as:

the children are fully supervision by the teachers

Time references are important in these types of essays as these indicate the fluidity of your English vocabulary knowledge. The correct term is "supervised", meaning "to have overseen". Make sure that you take the time to review the essay before its submission so that editing mistakes can be avoided.

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