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Ielts task2 - Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all school subjects

jokerxx11 1 / -  
Aug 1, 2020   #1
Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all school subjects while others think that they should concentrate on the subjects where they do the best or find the most interesting.

Discuss both views and give your opinion


In light of the improvement in the education system, people have different views about the school curriculum taken by adolescents. While there are good arguments in favour of paying attention to students' biased courses, I would argue that it is better to concentrate on every subject.

On the one hand, youngsters focusing on their preferred subjects possibly attain higher grades. When youngsters are interested in or good at some specific subjects, they will get motivated and explore the detail of the courses by themselves. In this way, they will gain enthusiasm for studying and get well-prepared for the exam. For example, my friend Oscar who enjoys learning computer studies would search for the related sources for enriching his knowledge in IT. By getting a deeper understanding, he masters the IT subject and has obtained A+ in the exam.

However, I believe that it is more beneficial for adolescents to put emphasis on all school subject courses. Firstly, subjects have a strong correlation thereof. For instance, studying physics requires a certain level of maths, while learning geography may be easier if students understand the basics of physics. Hence, teenagers can able to take advantage of their knowledge to apply to other subjects. Secondly, pupils perhaps figure their talents and passion unconsciously through learning all subject areas.Taking myself as an example, I used to hate maths. Yet, when I started learning 3D graphic, I gradually gain interested in maths, thereby, I am no longer reluctant to study maths and realize the capability in abstract thinking.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that young people are more like to get benefits from concentrating on all subjects instead of emphasizing biased subjects.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,097 3254  
Aug 2, 2020   #2
You have a formatting error in this essay. You accidentally turned it into a single opinion essay when the requirement was a comparative essay with a personal opinion paragraph. The format, if you want to stick to the 4 paragraph presentation would have been:

Par. 1: Paraphrase + Instruction restatement
Par. 2: First reasoning topic + public opinion explanation + personal opinion + supporting sentence for personal opinion
Par. 3: Second reasoning topic + public opinion reference + personal opinion + example supporting the personal opinion
Par. 4: Summary recap

It is important that you refer to gender free pronouns in the public opinion discussions to clarify that your opinion has not been stated yet. Then use first person pronouns to assist you in your personal opinion. That way the separate of discussion presentations becomes clear, even if you are using a 4 paragraph format instead of the normal 5 paragraph format which is presented as:

Par. 1: Prompt restatement
Par. 2 : 1st public point of view discussion (gender free pronouns used)
Par. 3: 2nd public opinion explanation (gender free pronouns used)
Par. 4: Personal opinion supporting one of the discussion points (1st person pronoun usage)
Par. 5: Summary recap.

Either format will work for this essay. I would suggest though that you use the 5 paragraph format for now. Just until you get used to discussing the topic properly. When you are confident enough, you can use the 4 paragraph format already.

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