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People benefits more from travelling in their own country than from travelling to foreign countries.


The statements asks about benefits of travelling abroad and in own country and which of them is more beneficial. From my experience, travelling in their own country has more benefits. Why? Because of many reasons including help to increase our country's economy, touch history of our country and be familiar with culture of different cities.

First, travelling in our country helps flourishing of economy. For example, one of my friends went to Turkey for vacation. So, he had to take much money with himself. Accordingly, he went to an exchange and bought around 3000 Dolor. After he came back, he had no money and spent all in Turkey. But, I used to travel in my country. I spend money in my country. Although traveling to abroad is so tempting.

Additionally, I think our children firstly need to know about their country. It can be so exciting and fascinating for them. My brother is a good example. He studied about our country in geography and history class. But he was interested in seeing them from near. My parents took us to various part of our country full of ancient monument and statues. Therefore, he was able to touch them and investigate all details by his eyes. It was an educational experience for all of us.

Finally, when we travel inside our country, we can be familiar with different cultures and languages. In Iran, my country, there are miscellaneous social and religious ceremonies. For instance, when I was kid, we went to south part of Iran. I was shocked due to their cloths, languages that they communicate and also their wedding ceremony. On the other hand, their food was amazing and the taste was near to Indian food. I can say it was an amazing experience for me and never forget.

For those aforementioned reasons, I personally believes that travelling inside our country is better than to foreign country. Due, it has many benefits for us and also our country. The benefits are include burgeoning our country's economic, helping families to know and touch the history from near and being friends with ceremonies and cultures of different parts of our country.

Jun 21, 2015   #2
Your essay has the proper format, of intro, conclusion, and three body paragraphs! This is excellent. Just a couple of pointers.

The statements ask...

CORRECTED: The questions are...

A question asks, and this is what you are responding to, not a statement, which just states, or tells you something.

He had to take much money...

CORRECTED: He had to take a lot of money...

You need to watch your selection of word choice. Use a dictionary if necessary, to make sure the word makes sense.

Your intro has a thesis statement, which introduces the three reasons you feel travel in your own country is better. That is good, because you end the first paragraph, with it, as you should.

Next however, you could use better transition words, to introduce the body paragraphs. Yours are a little casual. When you write for school, you need to be more formal.

The conclusion is done well, as you sum up your argument.

I think with some word choice corrections, and more formal use of transitional phrases, your essay would be stronger.

Good start!

ef_carol
- First, travelling (spell check, "traveling") in our country helps our flourishing of economy.

- So, he had to take much money withfor himself.

- Accordingly , he wentgoes to ana foreign exchange and bought around 3000 Dolor.

- Afterwhen he came backhome , he had no money and spent all in Turkey.

- But , I used to travel in my country.

-Additionally, I think our children firstly need to know about their country.

- But he was interested in seeing them from nearup close .

- Finally, when we travel insidein our own country, we can be familiar with different cultures and languages.

- For instance, when I was kid, we went to the south part of Iran.

- I was shocked due towith their clothsclothes , languages that they communicate and also their wedding ceremony.

- I can say it was an amazing experience for me andthat I will never forget.

- For those aforementioned reasons, I personally believesbelieve that travellingtravelinginsidein our country is better than to foreign country. Due , it has many benefits for us and also for our country.

- The benefits are include burgeoning our country's economiceconomy , helping families to know and touch the history fromnearup close and being friends with people through ceremonies and cultures of different parts of our country.

Marned, as you can see, I made corrections all throughout the essay, this is simply because of grammar, sentence construction and the logical arrangement of your ideas. Make sure that when you write, you think about your essays plot, draft it, proof read it and when you do proof read, you set yourself as a reader, now when your done, ask yourself, does the essay make sense, did it send the message you want to send, if the answers are no, then enhance your essay. Also, mind the use of your punctuation marks and turn on your spell check all the time.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!
Hallo marned,
I would render some suggestion in order to improve your writing.

The statements asks about benefits of travelling abroad and in own country and which of them is more beneficial. From my experience, travelling in their own country has more benefits. Why? Because of many reasons including help to increase our country's economy, touch history of our country and be familiar with culture of different cities.

Here is my suggestion for the first paragraph :

Harnessing in abroad in which people are far away from origin country render a wide range of opportunity. For this reason, in terms of my experience, traveling another country, visiting European countries, create hidden benefits. First of all, holidaymaker would obtain how to keep in touch with the local inhabitants and the history of the state. Therefore, people would be familiar with diverse heritage.

Thank you.


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