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[toefl] people born with certain talents or they are taught?


marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 23, 2013   #1
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Some people think that talented people are the God's beloved creatures and the talents were given to them. Contrarily, others claim talents are the results of trainings and hard working.

Most of us see talented people as extra ordinary ones, with abilities that cannot be accessible for everyone. It can be true in some ways. Recent genetic experiments show most behaviors and skills are transferred between generations by genes. Mohamad Reza Shajarian is an internationally acclaimed Persian traditional singer. His son has inherited the same skill and is now singing under his father's supervision. This example supports the idea that people are born with talents.

Once I read a story about the famous basketball player, Mikael Jordan, who was once fired from his school's basketball team because his couch did not find him enough talented. But he decided to show everyone he could play basketball, he achieved his goal by trying hard. No matter how talented you are, if you do not try hard, you would not be able to develop you talents. I know some students with high IQ, but they do not try to do well at school. They are talented but as long as they neglect their education, they would not be assumed as good students.

I think everybody has a special talent, some people show effort to find and develop their talents, while the others just regret they do not have the other people's abilities. Willingness and diligence is even more important than talent. I do not ignore the role of genes in people's talents, but I think in the families where there is a well-known singer oractor, the children in the family would be familiar and even trained since their childhood. And again this highlights the importance of hard working beside the talent they inherited.

gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Sep 23, 2013   #2
Hi marmaria,

These are my comments:

Once I read a story about the famous basketball player, MikaelMichael Jordan, who was once fired from his school's basketball team because his couchcoach did not find him enough talented. But he decided to show everyone he could play basketball, he achieved his goal by trying hard.

In my opinion, this sentence is an example. Instead of starting your paragraph with an example, you should begin it with an idea, perhaps about perseverance and success which is relevant to your example.

Secondly, be mindful when spelling out names of very famous people.You don't want to grab the reader's attention with these errors.

No matter how talented you are, if you do not try hard, you would not be able to develop you talents. I know some students with high IQ, but they do not try to do well at school. They are talented but as long as they neglect their education, they would not be assumed as good students.

Apparently, this is another idea and should be placed in a different paragraph, or better yet this can be a good statement for your opinion.

others claim talents are the results of trainings and hard working .

parallelism

Avoid using I,you,...third person sounds more formal, ( person,people,individual,one, etc. )
and of course, you have improved a lot..so keep it up.

hope this helps...
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 24, 2013   #3
Thanks dear gmad for your comments.
when I started writing I thoght I should not personalize my essay and use "I", but when I read BARON's writing book, I saw in the samples he tries to write it using " I/you". one of my professors once told me the same thing. He said try to show for the reader that the ideas are from your own life, try not to just explain reasons for the reader.

I do not know what to do!! do you have any information which method is better for TOEFL independant essay?
gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Sep 24, 2013   #4
The good news is I am not really an examiner, so the idea I have given is merely an advise coming from my experiences
and of others. In exams however, we prefer to be in the safer side that is why most of us stick to conventional ways of writing.

I am not really an expert of TOEFL but I am pretty sure they also provide band descriptors similar to IELTS.

But if I really must, I would limit myself in using those pronouns only in my opinion paragraph.
OP marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 24, 2013   #5
thank you very very very much ;)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 25, 2013   #6
Some people think that talented people are the God's beloved creatures and the talents were given to them

Some people think that talented people are the God's gifted creatures.

Contrarily, others claimthat talents are the results of trainingstraining and hard working.

What's your opinion? State it in the introduction.


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