IELTS Task 2: Some people are brave to start a personal business rather than being an employee

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

A great decision needs great bravery. Some people are brave to start a personal business rather than being an employee for another business or association. I believe that their decision to begin running the business has a large number of benefits although it also causes some drawbacks.

People who start building the personal company will get the drawbacks related to a financial matter. Owners must be full responsible to their company for first investment or its bankruptcy. To illustrate, the company has a financial problem since customers' demands experience a dramatic fall so that the owner must seek another way to cover operational expenditure such as employees' salary. Such a problem may not be faced if people do not build their business and only work at the other company.

However, I believe that the owner will get more benefits than the drawbacks of building the company. Firstly, the owners can be more prosperous and productive. They can receive more and more profit from the company if the owner always accelerates performance of the company. Also, the owners will be not pressured by a boss so that they will be more enjoyable to work in their life. Interestingly, they will have so much time together with their family since the owners can manage their own time.

In conclusion, I believe that people who choose to build the personal company will gain more benefits than disadvantages. The owners can be more prosperous and productive if they acquire more knowledge about business and learn experiences from other successful entrepreneurs. Government should help the entrepreneurs to boost the companies' performance through providing entrepreneur's training to beginners.

Hi Akbar. I'm Luthfia. I'm very glad to read your essay. Let me give you some suggestions:
1. It is better if you add a connector in the beginning of body paragraph 1. For instance, to begin with, look at negative effect etc.
2. You may replace on of "can" with (be) able to or (be) capable of since you utilize can many times
3. Owners must be full responsible responsibility
4. They can receive more and more numerous profits

Hi Akbar

Your idea is good but most of the words look repetitive to me, may be you can use the words negative aspects, on the contrary, unfavorable etc. for the word DRAWBACKs Rest few corrections from my side :

People who start building the personala company will getface the drawbacks related to a financialchallenges to run a business.matter . Owners must be full responsible to their company for first investment or its bankruptcyif the investments get failed.

Hi Akbar, I found a number of portions within your original essay that can be further improved in order to strengthen your essay. You presented some very good arguments and only need help in cleaning up the thought presentation. You really have an analytical mind that shows in the way that you developed the essay. Here are my suggestions:

A great decision needs great bravery. Some people are brave ENOUGH to start a personal business rather than being an employee for another business or association. I believe that their decision to begin running the A business has a large number of benefits although it also causes HAS some drawbacks.

People who start building theIR personal company will get EXPERIENCE the drawbacks related to a financial matterS. Owners must be fulYl responsible to their company for first ITS investment GROWTH or its bankruptcy. To illustrate, IF the company has a financial problem since BECAUSE customers'demands PATRONAGE experienceS a dramatic fall so that the owner must seek another way to cover operational expenditureS such as THE employees' 'S salary SALARIES. Such a problem may not be faced if people do not build their business and only work at the other company AS EMPLOYEES.

However, I believe that the owner will get more benefits than the drawbacks of FROM building the A company. Firstly, t The owners can be more prosperous and productive. They can receive more and more profit from the company if the owner always accelerates THE performance of the company. Also, the owners will be not pressured by a boss so that they IT will be more enjoyable to work in their life FOR THEM TO WORK. Interestingly, they will have so much time together MORE TIME with their family since the owners can manage their own time.

In conclusion, I believe that people who choose to build the personal company will gain more benefits than disadvantages. The owners can be more prosperous and productive if they acquire more knowledge about business and learn experiences ABOUT INNOVATIONS from other successful entrepreneurs. The government should help the entrepreneurs to boost the companies' performance through providing entrepreneur's training to beginners.