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'People are too busy' - Some prefer to spend their free time outdoors

kevinhsin1124 11 / 10  
Aug 1, 2011   #1
Hi! Here is my TOFEL essay!
Some people prefer to spend their free time outdoors. Other people prefer to spend their leisure time indoors. Would you prefer to be outside or would you prefer to be inside for your leisure activities? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

People are so busy at the present age, we have to focus on the job or the school works. We all need to use the free time to do some leisure activities for balance our life. Some people like outdoor activities, and some others prefer indoor activities. It is hard to say that, which one is the better one. In my point of view, I prefer outdoor activities. There are some clear reasons, and I will explore these.

First of all, I like surfing when summer comes. Every time when I go to the beach, I feel so comfortable and relax. Sunshine and sea always make me happy. I always can make a friend with other people, because people got there all have the same purpose. They just want to relax and surfing, hence, I can talk with them easily. I like talking with other people, because I can learn many different things. No matter is about surfing or something else.

Secondly, basketball is my favorite ball game. I often play basketball with my friends and we play well. My friends and I seldom meet each others, because we all busy in our works. Hence, we shared our recently life with each others during the basketball game, and got a drink when the game was over. We all miss our school life and we getting old, so we always play basketball on every Sunday.

Thirdly, I think doing some exercises is very good for health. People have big pressure from their work, so I think exercises are very important for everyone. If you can earn a lot of money, but you health is very bad. Then, you should change your life style. Just like my father, he was work very hard, but he did not do any exercises. His health was getting worse, we all worried about him. Fortunately, he realized health is the most important thing. Now, he plays golf every weekend. I am so happy about that, because he is happy when he playing golf.

In conclusion, I think no matter indoor or outdoor activities are all good for us. We all need to release pressure via those leisure activities, because life is not only about work but also need some interesting things.

jostar 6 / 13  
Aug 2, 2011   #2
my advice is : try not to use sentense that starts with "I think" that often, you need to vary your sentence structure to get a higher score.
Neil zhang 3 / 7  
Aug 2, 2011   #3
Dear. kevinhsin1124
i think you should read some grammar books which could help a lot to improve your grammar.
you could not connect two sentences without any conjunction

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