Do the advantages of shopping online outweigh the disadvantages?
From the time being, there are several individuals buy things such as books, air tickets and groceries on the internet. Therefore, there is a hot debate over whether shopping in this way outweigh the advantages or disadvantages. From my perspective, it brought us more benefits.
The first that everyone can see is that online shopping has lots of convenices. It helps us save a great deal of time and finish the payment promptly. People can buy anything they want after a click of mouse. Then you just need to wait shipper bring goods to your home. For example, I often buy some books on Tiki. Their service is really flexible. I receive my products just after few days I have booked them. By this way, we do not need to go to physical stores so we can spend that time doing other things.
The second that I want to take into consideration is that online shopping has important contributions to improving economy. First of all, it create several new employment opportunities. there are many people attend in the operation of the online shop. In Canada, about 5% of population are staffs of online business company. Secondly, online shopping can earn a big amount of money so it will facilitate contries' economy strongly. I will take Vietnamese as an example. From the time when there are some business run online shops, the economy in that country improve more than it was before about 6,5% each year.
In conclusion, in spite of some remain drawbacks, online shopping has an enormous contribution to many subjects of the sociality.
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While your discussion presentation is acceptable for the discussion, I feel that you could have done better by using the comparative format for the discussion. That means, offering a perceived disadvantage, then turning the tables and proving that it is actually a great advantage to the buyer. Try to consider the alternative discussion points since this could be considered a comparative essay. Advantage over disadvantage. Why do people think it is a disadvantage? How can you prove it is an advantage? That sort of discussion consideration can prove to clarify your opinion and support your discussion in a highly coherent and cohesive manner. Your first reasoning paragraph is good, but only personal in consideration. A general reference or public discussion point would have been more efficient in this case. The second reason tends to be a prompt deviation because it is not referring to the ease of shopping but rather, employment creation, which is not a consideration in the original prompt.
Thanks a lot for your help.
Hi, my fellow student. I noticed that the second paragraph contained as many as eight sentences. It is not quite good for IELTS writing, in my opinion.
When I first came to the forum, @Holt taught me that a paragraph should contain three to five sentences. I listed to her and saw improvement in my writing. I believe the advice also applies to you. Why not try to combine two or three sentences to one? For example:
I often buy some books on Tiki. Their service is really flexible
=> I often buy some books on Tiki, whose service is really flexible
In addition, I think that you should avoid using data, such as "In Canada, about 5% of population are staffs of online business company", unless it is common sense.
That is because by no means can you check data in the real test. Here is what the educational consultant taught me:
"Let me remind you that the testing center computers will be locked down and you will not have access to exterior internet sources. Practical examples that come from personal knowledge or experience always impresses the reviewer and also keeps you comfortable enough in your presentation to use better sentence structures throughout your essay."
I know my reviews are far from perfect, but I still hope they are helpful to you. Best wishes.
Please allow me to give you some of my suggestions on your essay.
1) Spelling: convenience
2) wait for shippers to bring the goods
3) Grammar: it createS several
4) I would recommend you to search how to use a/an/the
I know sometimes we write without thinking too much about grammar and spelling but it will be great it you take couple minutes and read your essay again before submitting.