Nowadays it is quite common for people to change jobs regularly.
Why does this happen and how do people prepare for job insecureity?
I'm an IELTS student and this is my essay, feel free to advise!
It is a trend for people to reselect their job from time to time in recent days as the world is changing fast. People keep changing their job might because they want to try different careers or they are dismissed.
Sometimes people are forced to seek for a new job due to the drastic changes in external environment, including technological revolution. People may find themselves hard to be fit for their present job without having advanced technical skills, so they have to change their career. For example, some employees in Huawei , one of the biggest mobile phone companies in China, fail to keep their position as they cannot keep pace with innovation, such as creating a new application for data analysis. People will lose their job easily during layoffs if they don't meet requirements of employers.
In other cases, people switch their job because they want a varied career. They work for different companies in order to find out their favourite career path. They may embark on their careers for working for some large companies, where they can dig out their potential and talents to the full extent, as big companies often provide them with plenty of opportunities to get access to larger labour market. Afterward, they apply the knowledge which they gained in different companies to helping young ventures growing into successful enterprises.
Because of uncertainty about job prospects, working people should pay great attention to these two major issues. They should sign up for courses to acquire new skills to fit into technology-led world. For example, they may need to learn how to use the newest software to improve their working efficiency. Moreover, they should save money to cope with financial problems arising from unemployment. For those who tend to set up their own business, the money they deposited in the bank can be used to cover the start-up costs.
To conclude, few young people expect to work for a company permanently today. They need to equip themselves with advanced skills and have a sound financial foundation to show resilience in times of rapid change.
Hope my feedbacks help. In general, your ideas and vocabularies are amazing, I have learnt a lot from this essay. Thank you <3 From Vietnam with love.
People keep changing their
job (work = avoid repetition) might because they want to try different careers or they are dismissed. (meaning eror "People keep changing their work might because they have to try different careers or else they would find themselves unemployed")
... forced to seek
for a new job ... changes in the external environment, ... People may find themselves(it) hard to be fit for their present job ...
... to get access to a larger labour market. ... in different companies to help
ing young ventures grow ing into successful enterprises.
Because of uncertainty about... (you should give your examples directly because this sentence aims to provide the general idea of the paragraph, like " ...pay great attention to ... and ..."). They should ... to fit into a technology-led world. ... how to use the
newest software (you can use "latest software" or "latest technology" because it sounds better and avoid repetition) to ...
... They need to... (You are giving a discussion idea but forget a crucial thing, the conclusion need a related answer for the question "why do people change jobs regularly?" you may lose coherence point)
Thanks for your amazing feedback！ I will make some changes in order to enhance the coherence：）
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Your prompt restatement is really confusing to read. You are combining two ideas into one sentence, which blurs the meaning of the sentence. You are creating run-on sentences that result in an incoherent presentation. Use only one thought or idea in every sentence. Avoid redundant declarations such as "trend" and "world is changing fast". The term "time to time" in recent days is also a confusing phrase. Basically, that prompt paragraph does not make any sense and could result in a failing TA score due to a failed attempt at presenting an idea in the paraphrase.
This is only a 4 paragraph essay as there are only 2 questions to be answered in the paragraph presentation. The first one is the cause of job changes and the other, is how people can prepare for it. You do not really need the second reason. You were not asked to present "reasons" , just a singular cause of the action. So you really went too far with the causes discussion.
Your preparation discussion is not very well presented. You are using a connecting word at the start of the paragraph. Since there is no previous sentence topic to connect, you should not use a connecting word at that point. Your reasons are good but little explained and developed. Again, a single response topic would have sufficed. You would have scored better by presenting one valid and fully explained reason to the examiner rather than presenting 2 reasons that are not really well supported in your explanation.