Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree of disagree?
Many people argue that they usually choose jobs has a higher salary than others.Personally, I disagree with the idea that salary is concerned as the most essential factor when deciding a job, while other factors are still important.
On the one hand, I agree that money plays an important role in choosing a job. If people have high wage job, they can pay for housing, food, bill, healthcare, and education. This will help them to have a comfortable life and enhance the level of job performance. While some other people decide a career on passion, such as teachers and artists, they usually do not have enough money to meet their basic needs. My teacher in school, for example, has low salary, as a result, she has to work hard all the time to make a living
On the other hand, I believe that other factors are similarly important. Firstly, people choose their job which is relevant to the abilities or advantages they have. For instance, students get high score on art are more likely to become artists in the near future, Secondly, the atmosphere in a workplace has a positive impact on workers, which is extremely crucial when choosing a job. Finally, some people decide career based on the passion despite the lack of money for some situation. Having a job they love will make a huge difference to workers'levels of happiness and general quality of life.
In conclusion, it seem to me that salary as important as other factor when deciding a career
Please help me correct. Thanks!
Hello Eggshell,
I think an introduction you made will be my concern to be discussed. The way of opening your sentence is well qualified I guess. However, you failed to bring your sentence more elegant to read. Actually you already mention your position clearly, yet you need to be careful to not rewrite the same sentence. Here i give you an example
Many people argue that they usually choose job with higher incentives. This essay will not agree with this idea as both a comfortable work environment and a job highly related to someone passion can be predominant factors
Hi Eggshell, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope that this is just the start of a new partnership, we are for you and we strive hard to provide you with the most accurate and objective feedback.
Having said that, please find the modifications below;
- jobs that has a
- salary is the concernedasor the most essential factor
- while other factors are still important.
- On the oneother hand,
- high wagepaying job,
- enhance the level of jobwill motivate them in their performance.
- While some other people decide
- a career onout of passion,
There you have it Eggshell, I hope the corrections above are helpful and even more useful to your revision. For future writing reference, mind the structure of your sentences as well as the verbs that you incorporate in completing the idea of the sentence.
