Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS Task II. people choose to live alone or with friends rather with their family


Shumaila86 11 / 31 9  
Jun 28, 2013   #1
Hello I have got IELTS on 6th July. plz give me writing feedback to get 7 band.

Nowadays more people are choosing to live with their friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

These days, due to study or work demands, living separately has become a trend in youngsters. They prefer to live either alone or with their colleagues. Some people think this infatuation is creating some bad effects on society. I agree with this opinion because these negative impacts have been obvious since last decade.

First of all, people who are living separate from their family lose the financial support they get from their parents. For example if a student takes an apartment to live away from home, he has to pay its rent and bills, and for that purpose, he needs to work somewhere. In this way, he not only wastes his time but also loses concentration on studies.

Secondly, while living alone, people are no longer under their parent's supervision and, hence, are more prone to influence from negative activities. For instance, one of my friends who were living in different city from his parents got himself involved in crimes because his parents were not able to keep in contact with him regularly. Therefore, separate living can damage people's moral foundation, too.

Last but not least, people think family is a restriction which will snatch their freedom if they involve their siblings or parents to their problems. Such as if a person is ill and needs some physical or financial help, he will have no one to depend on as he already has his denied his family. So staying away decreases the importance of the family as people have to endure the ups and downs of the life alone and unaided.

In conclusion, I would like to say, living away from family makes people alone and isolated and less considerate as they think about themselves only. This in turn would lead to an unhealthy attitude towards the society.

jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 28, 2013   #2
This trend is likely to have a negative impact on community .

You skipped the most important part of the prompt.

For this reason (among others), this is a six.
OP Shumaila86 11 / 31 9  
Jun 29, 2013   #3
hi thanx for ur support...it is helpful
@ jkkeremy...yes u r right...I could not explain the negative impacts on the society. I will try to rewrite this essay. thanx
bein 3 / 10 3  
Jul 3, 2013   #4
some bad effects

low level

For example, if a student

comma

while

whilst (more fomal)

and, hence,

i think just 1 connection is enough

Such as

'such as' don't stand at the beginning of the sentence

no one

will not have anybody

alone and isolated and less considerate

alone, isolated and...
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 4, 2013   #5
These days, due to study or work demands, living separately has become a trend in youngsters.

... I think you better separate the reasons from the trend. First tell that there is a trend like this as your prompt suggests (which is the important point) and then talk about the reasons;

Nowadays, living separately from families has become a trend among youngsters. This trend is naturally influenced by valid reasons such as meeting study and work requirements. However, some people perceive this trend as a negative development. I too agree with them.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II. people choose to live alone or with friends rather with their family