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People rather choose sitting in the sofa, watch the show, and get information about other countries


dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Aug 24, 2016   #1
Topic :
Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.

How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?


Nowadays, a lot of TV channels broadcast many beautiful places from other countries. People rather choose sitting in the sofa, watch the show they want to know, including the information about other countries. For many, this changed when they began to travel. They started to learn many thing about culture, different types of food, habits, and get personal benefits for experiencing itself than just seeing it in the TV. As a result, they had better understanding by learning their behavior.

However, for some people, their ideas remained unchanged. They believed that we don't have to go to other countries if we only want to learn about them. By having a trip, we just spent our money for nothing. Unfortunately, this is still true today. In my country, Indonesia, despite having a vacation to other country, citizens loved to used their money to buy or used by something important, such as : house, education's bill, health insurance and other equipment, because they think vacation to other countries just for wealthy inhabitants, so for middle classes, learned other nations from screen is enough.

In addition, for some people who don't have so much time to spend, learning from TV is the best options. They just need to switch on the TV, choose the information the want to know, and they will get it in instant. It is very different when they experience it directly. The need to make a plan, choose the date, and other requirements.

In my opinion, therefore learning from experiencing the trip to other countries itself make us have better understanding, but for some middle class citizens like me, watching television is more than enough to get all information from so many countries.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 24, 2016   #2
Hi Dina, here's my analysis of your essay. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- NowadaysThese days , a lot ofmost TV channels...
- People rather choose sitting in the sofa and watching the show they want to know, including the information / news about other countries.
- For many, thisMost people are more likely to changechanged when they began to travel.
- They started to learn many thingS about culture, (...) for experiencing itselfthemselves than just seeingwatching it in the TV.

Apart from the above-mentioned grammatical issues, I reckon that this essay has not answered the question properly yet. Remember, thesis statement is really essential to state your position. You need to mention your position clearly in order to reach a high band score. You have to use IELTS writing band descriptors as your guidance to check whether your essay has already fulfilled the criteria of a high band score or not. These are some points that are essential to be described here:

- "presents a clear position throughout the response" (band 7),
- "presents a relevant position although the conclusion may become unclear or repetitive" (band 6),
- "expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn" (band 5).

By using this descriptors as your guidance, I believe that you are more likely to achieve your desirable score later on. Good luck for the next practice :)
hirani03 36 / 50 5  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
Hello Dinar. I give you some corrections. Hopefully it helps.

For many, this has been changed when they began to travel.
They started to learn many thingthings about culture, different ...

... having a vacation to other countrycountries , citizens loved (...) buy or used byto buy something important, such as ...

... choose the information thethey want to know, and ...


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