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People can be closer eachother. How Internet affect on our life?


AndreiWindy 3 / 7  
Mar 24, 2017   #1

Internet - blessing or a curse?



Nowadays, with the striking development of technology, special is the Internet. It has impacted to the life-style with people all over the world. In my opinion, it is great change so that people can be closer.

By the Internet, loved ones can meet together although how distance far they are, it's so great if we can see and hear the voice of our family when they far million and million of km to us.

By the Internet, we can look at everything all over the world such as famous places, sight-seeing landscape, special festival, etc... Admittedly, we also can stay at home and learn every lesson from school . It's very suitable for disability and people who are too busy to come to school.

Then, through the Internet, people are saving a vast amount of money when they can live in Vietnam and do a business in America which is very easy.

However, Internet is place for illegal activities such as buy and sell weapons, illegal trade, blackmail, etc...So, among government and people have to control closely to protect themselves and use the Internet right.

By the way of conclusion, Internet is the most important thing in the modern life. We need to control it to make our life more comfortable.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,726 4766  
Mar 24, 2017   #2
Phong, please provide the complete original prompt so that your essay can be accurately reviewed based on all the band criteria. Thank you.
hain3dessay 2 / 3 2  
Mar 24, 2017   #3
I think your essay is good. But there are some points that you need to correct.

Your paragraphs are too short. You need to make a paragraph with 4 or 5 sentences.
In each paragraph, you should express one reason, and some examples to support that reason.
Don't capitalize "internet" in your essay.
Shamsher sing 3 / 9  
Mar 24, 2017   #4
It's a very quality essay, but maybe you could bring more facts or examples in it relating to your every statements. Thanks
thunga251090 2 / 2  
Mar 24, 2017   #5
@AndreiWindy
I am the opinion of that your essay is not good enough because the thesis statement and supporting are not written correctly and there is no any main ideas at the first of each paragraph. Moreover, so much repeating phrases makes your essay sparse and blank, then, the conclusion is also inappropriate to the final sentence in paragraph one. Sorry to say that.
OP AndreiWindy 3 / 7  
Mar 25, 2017   #6
@hain3dessay
@Holt
@thunga251090
Thank you very much for your opinions, I will try to improve my writing skill.


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