please help me improve my writing with your comments. thank you in advance>>>
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, or to increase knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays, more people are interested in getting higher education. We can think of many reasons that make people spend many years of their life in college or university. However, the most common reason is the need to have a good career in further life. And that is mostly attributed to two points, have a better income and better position in society.
When we ask parents why they send their children to college? Most of the answers will be: so they can have a better life and good pay. A research took place lately in India showed that 97% of students want to have a good degree to able to find a job with good salary. This is a clear indication that people look at the college degree as a life security.
Other people have a concern of having a respected position in society. One of my friends for instance, whose father is a big business man, went to medical college. Obviously, he did not need to work, but he wanted the title "Dr." before his name in order to get respected position in the society. Hence, I believe that there are many other people who care about making their career through higher education, but not for the money.
In the nutshell, I can confidently say that people are caring more about getting into college or university to build a better career in their life, because either to have better income or better title before their names.
Nowadays, more and more people are keen on receiving higher education that involves spending money and time. However, people still opt to take up those challenges and enter into a good college or university because they believe it is worthy for different reasons. In my view, the most important reason among them is that obtaining necessary credentials and skills for a prospective future career that would ensure a quality life and recognition in society.
It looks like your essay is pretty short. There is a minimum requirement for the number of words and make sure you meet it.
Nowadays, more people are interested in getting a higher education. We(stay in 3rd person!) can think of many reasons that(try to avoid using "that" too much.. I feel this word isn't necessary if you reword this sentence) make people spend many years of their life in a college or university. However, the most common reason is the need to have a good career in further life(further in life) . And that is mostly attributed to two points, have a better income and better position in society.(The need to have a good career is attributed to two points: to have a better income and a better position in society (or you can say the "social ladder)).
When we ask parents why they send their children to college?(This is a fragment sentence and there's no need to have a question mark. Maybe you should combine this sentence with the next sentence). Most of the answers will be: (not needed) so they can have a better life and good pay. A research took place lately (when was "lately?") in India showed that (omit) 97% of students want to have a good (find a synonym; you use "good" too much! Use a higher vocab. word) degree to able to find a job with good salary. This is a clear indication that people look at the college degree as a life security.
Other people have a concern of having a respected position in society. My friend's father, who is a big business man , went to medical college. Obviously, he did not need to work, but he wanted the title "Dr." (spell it out: doctor... don't use the abbreviation!) before his name in order to get respected position in the society. Hence, I believe that there are many other people who care about making their career through higher education, but not for the money.
In the (a) nutshell, I can confidently say that people are caring more about getting into a college or university to build a better career or have a better income, which one can not have without obtaining a degree, especially in today's society.
I edited this... if it's highlighted in red, you either don't need it, it needs to be changed, or I changed it and I want you to notice the difference. If it's in blue, I suggested a way to reword the sentence or the replacement of a word or words.
Honestly, I think this is okay. I think you need to include more of yourself in this essay. Use more real-life experiences. You have one (your friend's father only went to medical school to be called "doctor") but I think you need more. If I were choosing winners of this scholarship, I would put this essay towards the bottom of the pile. Try to put some more thought into this essay.. I feel like you just threw this together at last minute. I'm sorry if I'm too harsh and maybe I'm too nit-picky! I am a perfectionist! :)
PS- tell your friend's dad that he didn't have to go to medical school to become a doctor if he's in business! He should have just got his doctorate in college! In my opinion, that's a stupid reason to go to medical school.. what a waste of brain space and money! He could still be called "doctor" with a doctorate in business, which is probably information he'd use! haha :)
It looks like your essay is pretty short. There is a minimum requirement for the number of words and make sure you meet it.
:) yes it is 246 words i missed 4 words in the 40 minutes
. I'm sorry if I'm too harsh and maybe I'm too nit-picky! I am a perfectionist! :)
no its ok this what will help me to improve>>>
I was trying to make a good structure of the essay in this stage :)
PS- tell your friend's dad that he didn't have to go to medical school to become a doctor if he's in business! He should have just got his doctorate in college! In my opinion, that's a stupid reason to go to medical school.. what a waste of brain space and money! He could still be called "doctor" with a doctorate in business, which is probably information he'd use! haha :)
maybe I wasnt clear... I wanted to say that my friend went to medical school and his father is rich... although he didnt have to work, he is studying MBBS to have a tilte...
can you please check again if it wasnt clear???
OOHH!! I read that wrong! haha I get it know I reread it and it was clear.. maybe specify that he is an extremely successful business man! that way one knows you mean "rich" haha :)
Hi, malhamed. I'll be honoured that if what I said could be helpful to you.
At first, it's a good habit that you come up with your point of view in the first paragraph, like And that is mostly attributed to two points, have a better income and better position in society. . Very good! But in the following parts of your essay, I suggest that you'd better use more phrases like " in addition", " what's more", " last but not least" ," to put it into a nutshell" to make the sturcture of your essay clearer and smoother.
And then, I see that you've already used some good words in your essay. Nevertheless, if you use more academic words in your essay, more interesting and sophisticated your essay will be. I would like to revise a part of your essay.
One of my friends for instance, whose father is a big business man, went to medical college. Obviously, he did not need to work, but he wanted the title "Dr." before his name in order to get respected position in the society. Hence, I believe that there are many other people who care about making their career through higher education, but not for the money.
For instance, one of my friends whose father is a very successful businessman went to medical college just for a doctorate title, not for a bright furture career. Therefore, it's a authentic testament that the reason why some people prefer to get a higher educational degree is to get a preponderant position in society rathen than to make more money.
Keep practicing! Good luck!
However, people still opt to take
up those challenges and enter into a
good college or university... The sentence was suggested by dumi.But is it true to use prep. after enter?
Dumi can you please help with my paper
>>> "Why I Want To Go To College" essay PLEASE HELP
Keep practicing! Good luck!
nice comments thanks a lot
Dumi can you please help with my paper
Dumi is the best he will answer every essay just wait
could give the conflicting view of why people go to college. just a few negative examples and then give your opinion and the end to round it off such as, "it is however the view of some that college has became a party scene for those who do not wish to enter the world of work" and a quote to back it up
hope this helps :)
hi i think that you should give more examples.
good luck....
I think some people go to college or university b/cuz they want to get a job that requires a higher education. Other people go to college b/cuz there're not sure what to do next and figure classes might help them sort out what to do with their lives. In fact, any of these reason is a good reasons to try college. A college experience is good for anyone who wants to learn, meet people, and prefer for a job and make money.
