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IELTS; People who have committed a crime should always be in jail ?


joylabx 3 / 4  
Oct 6, 2013   #1
In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Every nation has set laws for the citizens to abide and failure to do so may result to corresponding punishment depending on its severity. However, arguments have been made that all types of crimes being violated should be directly sent to prison, as will now be discussed.

On the positive not, subjecting violators to be immediately sent to prison, whether the crime committed may be heinous or not, can create a sense of fear. This type of fear will be beneficial to the community since the people will be very vigilant not to defy the regulations set by the government. A dread feeling of being immediately sent to jail can invoke the people to religiously abide the rules. As a result, crime rates would decline.

Moreover, this type of punishment can build up a sense of patriotism. For example, most lows set by the administration promote the betterment of one's nation thus when followed, eventually builds up every citizen's love for the nation.

On the downside, violators that may have committed crimes that are not grave such as jaywalking or improper disposal of garbage may feel that it is quite unfair. Instead, they should be subjected lesser punishments such as doing services for the community or be given fines.

In addition, mixing all types of prisoners can create a greater problem when those prisoners who committed serious crimes will influence those violators with lesser severity into committing major crimes.

Overall, I disagree that people should no abruptly send to jail but as an alternative should be dealt with according to is grievousness.

gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Oct 6, 2013   #2
However, arguments have been made that all types of crimes being violated should be directly sent to prison, as will now be discussed .

This is your thesis sentence, and in most cases you would probably mislead the reader from your actual essay prompt because
of missing information. A simple statement about your thesis is "should crimes have equal punisments regardless of severity?"

Moreover, this type of punishment can build up a sense of patriotism.

I implore you not to have this kind of structure for your essay, having concise paragraphs are difficult to achieve, possible but not easy. What you need is a

more conventional structure to start with, like having one main idea in each paragraph and expand them with explanation and examples.

Another thing, since you disagree with the prompt, try to incline your ideas against the theory not a balanced one like what you did.

mentioning your stand in the introduction paragraph also looks better.

hope this helps...
OP joylabx 3 / 4  
Oct 6, 2013   #3
thank you very much!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 8, 2013   #4
Every nation has set laws for the citizens to be abide with them and failure to do so may result to corresponding punishment depending on its severity.

However, arguments have been made that all types of crimes being violated should be directly sent to prison, as will now be discussed.

.... had you used direct speech this sentence would have been much more effective.


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