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IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays


giangvu 1 / -  
Jul 20, 2018   #1
I take the IELTS test in 13 days, so I do hope to receive your comments and feedback about my writing skill and score it if possible.

I would appreciate your help. Thanks in advance.

People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

industrialization makes products cheaper



It is obvious that consumers can buy products with lower price in this time and age thanks to the industrialization. While I accept that there are some drawbacks, I think that these are outweighed by the benefits.

On the one hand, there are certainly some problems associated with buying cheaper products. It is clear that customers should take the quality of products into consideration. As a company have to balance the proportion of capital and profit they make, to manufacture low-priced products, they may used materials that are not guaranteed. If people use that kind of product in a long term, undoubtedly, they may suffer from some health problems such as cancer. Besides, along with the mass production, there will be more wastes and emissions disposed, which obviously exacerbate the environment pollution.

On the other hand, I believe that the advantages will not be overshadowed by those drawbacks.The greatest advantage can be seen when people are provided cheaper products is that they could save a great deal of money spent on daily expenses and thus, they invest that saving amount on other important aspects such as education or housing. In addition, it is particularly favorable for low-income families as they will have a wide range of options to improve their living standards.

Another benefit is that there will be a rising demand for purchasing commodities due to the fall of price. As a result, the more expenditure people spend, the faster the national economy grows. Not only are manufacturers beneficial but also other parts of a supply chain take advantage of this phenomenon.

To sum up, it seems to me that the advantages for consumers and the economy of buying cheaper products these days have more than compensated for the downsides

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,723 3064  
Jul 21, 2018   #2
TA - 6

Vu, you have a slight prompt deviation in your opening paraphrase. The prompt paraphrase should not contain any information that is not present in the original discussion. That is because when you add information, the tendency will be to change the slant of the discussion and no longer follow the given prompt instructions for the discussion. However, your thesis statement still aligns itself with the required discussion response so that is one of the good things that you did for this section of writing. Your prompt deviation was: "thanks to the industrialization..." You could have used that as the topic sentence for your second paragraph instead.

C&C - 5

While your discussions are related to the topic. There are certain instances where you do not fully develop the paragraph in terms of discussion because you are offering too much information in one presentation. Try to stick to the tried and tested formula of 1 topic per paragraph. The problems with your C&C can be seen in the way that, in the second paragraph,. you first discuss how the profits of the manufacturer influence the quality of the product. You should not have involved a specific reference to cancer in this instance because only a general reference to health concerns should be referenced. Or, if you wanted to remain on point, you could have said that cheap products result from cheap materials that result in low quality an unreliable products. The presentation of mass production and waste disposal should have not been introduced because you did not properly explain the reasons to support it. When you present only talking points without proper supporting sentences, you end up with under-developed and little relevant discussion paragraphs.

LR - 5

Try to familiarize yourself with the English language. Use a synonym reference guide in order to avoid using redundant / same meaning words such as "expenditure people spend". The more proper term is " As a result, the more people spend..."

GRA - 6

Though you tend to use overly long sentences and your sentence structure is not always properly complex or simple, the reader can easily understand what you are trying to say. So I would like you to practice writing using full stops instead of commas. You do not need to present long sentences. You need to present proper sentences. That means, you must avoid putting together various ideas in one sentence. That helps you to avoid confusing your reader and lowering your GRA score. There is a minimum of 3 sentences and maximum of 5 sentences to be presented per paragraph. Don't try to get around it by using commas to speak your mind, even when the topics no longer relate. As long as you write 250 words, your essay will be considered for the highest possible score based on your writing skills.


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