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IELTS Task 2 - More people are complaining about obesity, particularly the consumption of junk food.


mark pro 1 / 2  
Apr 11, 2016   #1
These days, in many countries, more and more people are complaining about obesity, particularly the consumption of junk food.
What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem solved?


Nowadays, in many countries a number of people are appealing about corpulence especially, eating the junk food. However, in many parts of the world, this problem is increasing dramatically year by year. This essay will look at the reasons for this and propose some solution.

One of the main causes of the problem is that these days, people's lifestyles are changing. And many people are working long hours in this world. And they do not have time to find ingredients or healthy food. Then they may eat junk food a lot. If people eat a lot of junk food. People become obesity. In addition, nowadays, many woman do not cook any food at home. They usually buy from the restaurants. It is also one of the maine cause. The solution is the woman should prepare the food at home. And they should encourage people to eat any food at home.

Another problem is that many people do not have breakfast, lunch, or dinner at exact time. They usually eat food, when they have free time. As to the fact, if people eat something after the 6 p.m. it has harmful effect to the people's health. To tackle this issue, people must have a breakfast, lunch, or dinner at exact time. And they must not eat nothing after 6 p.m.

A third cause of the problem is that junk food, fast food are not very expensive as healthy food. Therefore many people prefer to eat this kind of food a lot. And they become fat. The solution is that the many cafes should decrease the price of healthy food.

In conclusion, these days, the big problem is that humanity do not eat correctly. And also this issue common in many countries. My view is that government and doctors are responsible to solve the problem.

Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Apr 11, 2016   #2
Hello mark pro

Your text will sound better (stylistically) if you apply the following corrections to it:
in many countries a number of people are appealing about ... many people complain about the fact that by eating junk food, they grow increasingly obese.

However, in many parts of the world, this problem is increasing ... Moreover, as time goes on, this problem appears to become ever more acute.
One of the main causes of the problem is that these days, ... One of the main reasons behind it is that the people's lifestyles are not what they used to be in the past.

And many people are working long hours in this world. And ... Because they work long hours, most individuals are simply not in the position to consider a healthy diet.

Then they may eat junk food a lot. If people eat a lot of junk food.No need for these sentences.
People become obesity. As a result, people become obese.
many woman most women
one of the maine cause one of the main causes of the issue at stake.
The solution is the woman should prepare the food at home The solution would be encouraging women to cook at home.
And they should encourage people to eat any food at home. Home-made meals taste better, anyway.
at exact time. on time
eat food, when they have free time. eat when they have free time on their hands.
As to the fact As the matter of fact
it has harmful effect to the people's health it will have a negative effect on their health
at exact time. on time
nothing anything
A third cause of the problem is that junk food, fast food are not very expensive as healthy food. The third cause of the problem is that junk food is very inexpensive.

become fat grow fat
The solution is that the many cafes should decrease the price of healthy food. The best solution would be to reduce prices for healthy food.

these days, the big problem is that humanity do not eat correctly it is indeed a big problem that many people do not eat properly.

government and doctors are responsible to solve the problem. the government and physicians should be held responsible for solving the problem in question.

Regards.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 14, 2016   #3
Hi Mark, I would like to add a few notes on your essay.
First off all, it is a very interesting answer to the essay, it's almost like you are writing a research paper, you made sure that the facts you gathered are realistically happening in real life, not just an idea or an opinion.

Now, I like the idea that you were able to present the ideas in a manner that a reader can understand, moreover, can benefit from the ideas and opinion that is conveyed in your essay. It is indeed a living parasite to todays age, obesity is one disease that will not only affect the person who is infected but the people around them and will definitely drag the family down, so before it starts, the best choice to do is to practice preventive measures, discipline and most of all, watch the way their life is going.

Overall, your essay is well written, of course there are a few suggestions from other writers and I hope you follow though on that and make use of them in your revision as well as in your future writing references.

Keep writing.
OP mark pro 1 / 2  
Apr 14, 2016   #4
Thanks very much guys :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 14, 2016   #5
Hi Mark, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF.
The best thing that happens when we log in to this website is reading the words of appreciation from you guys, this gives us the strength to continue doing what we do best and even more so, get better if not the best in giving you unbiased opinion and constructive criticism towards your work.

Moreover, practice is the best way to get better at writing and of course, other elements such as reading and being consistent at what you do are part of the process.

Mark, I really hope that you will keep on writing and we will see of that here on EF, just make sure to the following;

- review on the prompt
- keep it simple
- mind you word choice
- make sure that the ideas are linked to each other in order to get that smooth transition
- lastly, keep your essay strong, from the beginning 'till the end.
OP mark pro 1 / 2  
Apr 15, 2016   #6
ok. thank you very much justivy . i will try to use your advice. :)
tugyts 3 / 4  
Apr 15, 2016   #7
hello :)
if you prepare for ielts essay , you could be carefull at each paragraph and you should keep separate different content ,for example, all of solution should be gather one and reasons as well.


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