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People who conduct a business should concentrate only to their aims to make money.


Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree of disagree?

People who conduct business should concentrate only to their aims to make money. I totally believe toward this notion, since getting money in business is for the prosperity of all parts of company including employer and employee. Besides, it also can accelerate the growth of business.

The majority of entrepreneurs have the similar objective to get income from their businesses. The fund that they make, will give the welfare for people who take part in those businesses. Taking my father's company as an example. The predominant vision of his company is to make money from the high income. Thus, my father as an owner will share his company benefit to his employee. Besides, my father gets many advantages from his business concentration to make money. As the result, people who involve on that business become prosperous.

Another reason to focus on getting money is high income can develop a larger business. Making money in a business, encourage businessman to expedite the development of their business in all sectors. For instance, Aburizal bakrie. His main purpose to get high income in his business causes him able to create other new business sectors. As the result, because of his concentration to make money on business, his businesses become more victorious. Even now, it becomes the biggest business kingdom in Indonesia.

To sum up, the objectives on businesses which entrepreneurs should concentrate is to make money. It is recommended for the new entrepreneurs to always focus on this purpose when they running their businesses.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Hi Meireza..
These are my few corrections for your essay. Hopefully, they can help to finalize yours.


People who conduct business should concentrate FOCUS only to ON their aims to make money.

I totally believe toward this notion

You should display your position clearly. Agree or disagree..??

Turning to the first body paragraph, you can explain your opinion well. You have given your personal experience to support your statement. However, When I have learnt closely about your example, you did not review detailed. You said that the employees are more prosperous, but you did not mention indicators about that change. For example, that relates to their salary.

Aburizal bakrie.

You should explain who that Aburizal Bakrie because Not all people know him.

To sum up, the objectives on businesses which entrepreneurs should concentrate is to make money

In the conclusion sentence, you should still show your position about that matter.


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