Unpaid community service for pupils
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school program (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is frequently believed that people have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils which becomes one of compulsory activities in their school. However, some argue that community service should not be obligatory for them. Having said that, I moderately agree with this idea.
In recent years, a volunteering activity is considered as a mandatory programme which presents a major merit for pupils. First and foremost, involving in this activities will trigger pupil's awareness to other people which develop their life skills, such as teamwork, empathy, and self-discipline. In fact, they will conscious about current situation trying to find a splendid solution. Many students, for instance, dedicate themselves for helping an orphan who lives in the orphanage to have a good food or make some event to boost their life spirit. Secondly, this sort of activities will generate positive aspect in terms of communication. By following this programme, they will definitely meet and cooperate with others which boost their communication skill. Hence, they should speak in order to socialize with others, such as elderly people, younger children, and even their classmates. This sort of skills are not taught in the classroom, so immersing in community service will make them into a sociable person. Taking into account, unpaid community service should become one of the programmes in the high school.
A further reason is a creativity, it is commonly said that volunteering activity improves their ideas in terms of finding solutions. Pupils will be freed to adopt a different approach of doing their work which bolsters their ideas and make them more creative. For example, in case of teaching sport to younger children, they will try a unique way to persuade children to follow their movement. In contrast, I believe community programme is not an absolute imperative for pupils. We can see that many students have a lot of subjects to study and that would be difficult for them in case the volunteering activity is made compulsory for them. They will profoundly face many obstacles in the academic area and sometimes they might be failed in the examinations. Thus, students have their own right to choose to be volunteer or not.
To sum up, it will be better if this programme still exists in school due to their benefits to pupils. Yet, I believe this activity should not be compulsory for students which make them to be freed to choose regarding their interest.
Based on the discussion topic, i think you should put more emphasis on the right of students to choose to be volunteer or not rather than the benefits of volunteering activity.
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Fitri, your essay is not properly representing the original prompt discussion topic. This has forced an error on your part which will affect the ability of your essay to receive a passing score due to a significant prompt deviation. That means, you totally misunderstood the topic for discussion.
Original Discussion Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school program
Your Discussion Topic: It is frequently believed that people have contrasting views about volunteering activity for pupils which becomes one of compulsory activities in their school.
If you review the original discussion topic, you will see that you went off tangent and began discussing something that is not part of the original prompt. This signifies a prompt deviation and thus, altered the whole discussion for the essay to a certain extent. The original topic says "some people believe". You are saying "people have contrasting views." Since only one point of view was represented in the original prompt, your discussion has become totally wrong in relation to the original topic given for discussion. This discussion is simple, either you agree or disagree with high school students should be part of an unpaid community service program of their school. You are offering an opinion of contrasting views that is not represented in the original. Your essay will immediately fail in the TA section because of this deviation.
You keep using the term "pupil' in the essay which refers to a child in school. An adolescent attending high school is referred to as a "student". Using the wrong term throughout your essay signifies further evidence of your lack of English vocabulary skills and understanding. A "pupil" is in elementary while a "student" is in high school or college. The first is used to signify early education, the latter, advanced education.
There is also a failure on your part to properly format the essay in every paragraph. Your body of paragraphs are composed of more than the maximum 5 sentences per paragraph. You only have 3 body paragraphs with which to discuss the most salient points of your defense. In this presentation, you are not appropriately developing your discussions because you are trying to discuss too many in each paragraph. The standard is one reason per paragraph. I believe I already told you about this before when I previously corrected you.
Your concluding statement is not appropriately formatted either. You need 3 sentences, minimum to summarize your presentation. You used only 2 sentences. That means, you have not properly developed the conclusion based on the C&C requirements.