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IELTS Writing Task 2 - People get into debt for buying unnecessary things

Hettymsk 9 / 9 9  
May 24, 2015   #1
Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people having this problem?

People nowadays have the tendency to buy unnecessary things that they actually cannot afford which may cause them get trapped in unintentional debt. Although, there is factor why people behave like so, I believe that there are prevent actions can be done to control their behavior.

There is major reason people become so consumerism especially those who live in big city. The reason is copycat lifestyle where people are copying each other lifestyle. Many people believe they should adapt their selves to what trend is happening in the society, while not all people have enough money to purchase the "hot items" of the day. Therefore, they are willing to do anything to purchase their wanted items. Even if it means they have to pay on installment system with relatively high rate of interests. For example, it is happening to have a Louis Vuitton hand bag. Every woman in the society especially those who are joined the socialite clubs willing to buy it even though the price values more than million of rupiahs, but those who cannot afford it will buy on payable.

Even though people sometimes cannot control their consumerism behavior, I strongly believe that there are some ways in which they can prevent to purchase unnecessary things. First, people need to manage their monthly budget that they will only spend money on primary necessities. It is allowable that at the end of the month they want to buy certain thing but in one condition when the money they spend is less than the budgeted. Second, stop joining any socialite clubs which is not healthy to those people whose financial condition cannot support them. By doing so, women especially, will stop comparing their life to other women with high-end lifestyle. Third, join social-oriented organization to be volunteers on charity activities which will make people widen their eyes to see that there are still thousands of people dying for food and health.

In conclusion, in this day and age, consumerism is unavoidable among the society but it is their choice to live their life easily without getting trapped on unnecessary debt or they want their life to be luxurious but they are haunted by debt collector. All I can suggest is that, people should understand their financial condition before deciding to purchase things.
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Jun 14, 2015   #2
peoplebecome so consumerism...

CORRECTED: people become so consumeristic...

You need adjective there, not a noun. You are describing the people! You need to pay attention to your word choices, and make sure they match grammatically. An adjective describes a noun, person, or place.

stop joining any socialite clubs...

This should be a new paragraph. You would be better off with five paragraphs, ad this would strengthen the essay, and make it more standard.

Also you could then expand on the idea. It needs more elaboration and detail!

Basically well written, with good intro and conclusion. Pay more attention to grammar, and word choice. Make sure your parts of speech are correct.

Good job!


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