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People who decide to have kids should better cogitate on how they can meet their children's needs


bung ilham 14 / 30  
Aug 31, 2016   #1
There is an increasing trend around the world to have a small family rather than a large family
What are some of the benefits and drawback of having a small family rather than a large family?


Up to present time, the small family issue always has pros and cons. People with nuclear family propose notable advantages for children such as good education and for parents like little strain of family budgets. However, this subject has disadvantages, as well, such as making kids egoistic and parents worry about their future.

Admittedly, smaller families could give more attention for their kids. Child without siblings can perform better in their study. A case in point, according to UNESCO data, in few decades, about 7.39 million children in developing countries are dropouts in school and majority of them are from large families. Therefore, the small families have chance more to encourage their kids' education than the big family. Another key point, parents of a small family will see less pressure on budgets. Thus, they could meet their family's necessity easily and could buy quality products.

On the other hand, unconsciously, children of small families look selfish and arrogant because they do not learn the way to share with others in their home. It is supported by study in the recent time that more than 1,500 children without siblings tend lacking consideration for others. In addition to, parents of small families will face many problems in their future. It is because when they get old and require help, they do not have enough kids to take care of them.

To sum up, it is clear that people with small number of families would provide many benefits, whereas the drawbacks must be considered. I would like to suggest people who decide to have children that they should better cogitate how they can meet their children's needs.

(274 words)

maulida07 6 / 7 1  
Aug 31, 2016   #2
Hello, kak Ilham. I'd like to give u some corrections.

... perform better in their studystudies (you can also state your reason why child without sibling can perform better).
... decades, about 7.39 million children (avoid using 'children', you can use 'kids ' instead) in developing countries are dropouts in (dropout from ) school and majority of ...
Therefore, the small families have chance moremore chances to encourage their kids' ...
... parents of a small family will see (I think the word 'face ' suits better) less pressure on budgets.

Keep writing ;)
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 31, 2016   #3
Hi Bung Ilham.
Here are my suggestions to improve your score in the writing section. In this moment, I have a tendency to focus on your contents in this writing.

pros and cons

This tends to be used in the informal writing. You are supposed to deny that.

Actually, you have passed the task achievement well. It is proved with your essay free of the prompt wanted of the question. What you mentioned in the introduction has been explained in the body paragraph.

as good education and for parents like little strain of family budgets

you explain:

Child without siblings can perform better in their study

However, there is an odd thing. You should explain clearly why the child gets the good education. "IT IS BECAUSE THERE IS A CONDITION WHERE THE PARENTS LOCATE INCOME FULLY FOR A FEW OF CHILDREN SO THAT THEY CAN SELECT THE BEST INSTITUTION".

Turning to the second of the benefit and drawback sides in the body paragraph. You did not discuss deeply. That should contain the example as well. It will seem unbalanced. It is better if you decide to make one idea paragraph rather than multiple ideas vaguely.

parents of a small family will see less pressure on budgets

Apart from that, you have shown the huge progress. I suggest you provide much to read the example. As many as you read the example of writing task 2, you will improve your flow in the essay.

OVERALL, IT A GOOD JOB
GOOD LUCK FOR NEXT TERM


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