Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS/ TASK 2/ More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past

junskku 1 / 1  
Sep 27, 2019   #1
More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

It is the fact that nowadays numerous adults have their first children in their thirties or more which is somewhat later than the previous generation. This trend, which is caused by several reasons, certainly introduces both merit and demerit, but it seems to me that the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages.

There are some factors which in turn make people have babies at later age consisting of career orientation and cost expenses. About career path, many people give much more priority for their job in lieu of settling down and having babies because the belief that when they were young they could promote to upper position easily. When having a baby, they have to spend more time on their offspring which means it could hinder their determination and concentration on works, especially for women. Turning to other reasons relating financial aspect, the money for bringing up a child is so large. When a baby was born, there are myriad fees have to be paid such as hospital, health care, education, food and so on, which could be considered as a burden for some families.

Some disadvantages may come from this idea including the negative influence on both the baby and pregnant, I, however, still believe that the benefits are worthwhile to do so. It is obvious that the more women aging, the more their health gets weaker and that might harmfully impact their pregnant period. Nevertheless, the decision having babies later gives parents more time to prepare deliberately not only financial support but also the education for their child. Indeed, children with older parents receive better education; the reason is that their parents have more experience in teaching them to be a good citizens. This trend, therefore, seems to be a good trend for society.

In conclusion, both the favor of career and the financial factor are the main reasons to delay having babies in many families. Although this trend has some demerits, I still believe the huge benefits including better preparation are more dominant.

camkimble 2 / 3  
Sep 27, 2019   #2
change "the" to "a" in your first sentence
add an "s" to generation
don't say "to me" in the last sentence of 1st P
delete "do" last sentence
change babies to children" and "consisting of" to "such as"
delete cost"
"about in career path"
add "off" in because the belief"
"they"=> "one"
"they have"=> "one has"
remove "s" from works
delete "turning to other reasons relating"=> "In the financial aspect"
"the money for" => "the cost of"
delete "so"
"was" => "is"
add "that" to "myriad fees have"
add "that" to some disadvantages* may
OP junskku 1 / 1  
Sep 27, 2019   #3
Thank you so much, love ya

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS/ TASK 2/ More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past