Unanswered [4] | Urgent [1] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

More people in developing countries are purchasing cars.What are the problems and possible solution?


molly16 9 / 10  
Jul 29, 2016   #1
The dramatically rate for dependency on purchasing cars in developing countries come to an abrupt withdrawl of many problems. It is justified that the plenty of negative impacts are should not be neglected. Therefore, I believe collaboration government with the local people seems feasible to tackle these problems with some other measures.

Undoubtedly, purchasing car for many people provide a large number of drawbacks. First and foremost, the expenditure for using fossil fuels stalking offence the harmfull gases as an air pollution that result in global warming. It is caused by the amount of CO2 that also affected the Ozone layer depletion as emissions form plentyful of cars. Moreover, the direct impact of this is deficiency of public health. The decreasing of Ozone layer influences rate of skin cancer diseases, while the air pollution impresses the respiratory disease like asthma and bronchitis. In addition, a number of cars are regarding the terrible traffic congestion that outweigh negative impact for the road user. As time as goes on when the cars user is growing up, the situation will significantly awful as increase the public frustration, stress, physically problem and result in high mortality by car accident. Consequently, the awkward circumstances in the future is reasonable to be concerned.

Apart from the previous discussion, the right action and collaboration between government and local people to solve the problems should be required. Initially, transportation law is the main factor. Government have to imposing high tax dan allowing the low cost public transport to decline privat cars's consumption. Furthermore, they should have the compact and eco-friendly public transport plan to serve people.

To sum up, the incremental negative impacts for buying cars in developing countries should be prevented. It is imperative that government and local people shoud workout together to stop this numbers excessively and solve the problems.

justivy03 - / 2,370 607  
Jul 29, 2016   #2
Hi Mekar, I notice that you have received some comprehensive feedback and remarks here from the EF contributors and I hope they are able to help you with your revision, I believe they will bring that much needed enhancement for your essay.

What I notice in this essay is the fact that, the introduction seemed strong, however, as you read through, the ideas you have are written in a way that they are jammed in one place instead of elaborating them thoroughly, this can do two things, either summarize the idea to create a complete thought, if you do it right, now, if you don't, it can result to something like you have here, where all the ideas are rolled into one paragraph resulting to a more complicated set of ideas.

On the other hand, the good thing about your style of writing is the fact that, you're not afraid to discover or experiment on the variety of words to choose from. You made sure that the words are not only easy to understand but are also a mixture of new and interesting words that depicts your opinion on the issue at hand.

I hope the insights helped and I wish to review the revised version soon.
OP molly16 9 / 10  
Jul 30, 2016   #3
@ eddies, @ ichanpants89, and @ justivy03 : thank you for you all.

your feedbacks are so useful. Yes, i should do a lot to improve my writing skill, especially how to deliver my ideas in right grammar and use a lot of uncommon words with the correct meaning. Thank u :D
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 11, 2016   #4
Hi molly,

Therefore, I believe collaboration governmentgovernment's collaboration with the ...
Moreover, the direct impact of this is deficiency of public health deficiency is public health.
Thank you for your suggestion in my summaries.


Home / Writing Feedback / More people in developing countries are purchasing cars.What are the problems and possible solution?