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Toefl essay, People with different interests and personalities cannot be friends


s011208 6 / 15  
Dec 8, 2009   #1
Hello, I'm a learner. I know this essay has some flaw. please give me some feedback ^^

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People who have different interests and personalities cannot be friend?


In modern society, every one has their own experience and personal qualities. I disagree with this statement that people who have different interests and personalities can not be friend. The followings are my reasons.

First of all, learning a lot of different experience, people can get more aspects to solve a diversity of difficulties. Sometimes people do not have enough ideas when they run into difficulties. If they can acquire many different opinions from others who have different views, it may help them and provide more manners for problems. For example, when I was a college student, I did not know how to enrich my social life; however, my roommate, John, give me a lot of his experience about how to interact with other people; in addition, he invited me to join a lot of parties together. Therefore, he helped me meet more friends and enrich my social life.

Furthermore, learning a lot of different interests, people can expand their horizons. Nowadays, a great amount of people should pay attention to their work in this high tempo era, especially in urban areas, so that they do not tend to develop new interests in their leisure time even they want to try, because it may spend too much time to learn it. Therefore, if you have friends who not around you, it may give you different chances to develop your new interests. For example, my friend, Sam, always likes to hike on the weekends. Due to the fact that I am too lazy to hike, I know I have to do more exercise. Thus, Sam likes to invite me hiking together. At the same time, we can exchange our different experience in our daily life and I get a lot of fun.

Last but not least, interacting with a lot of different personal qualities, people can learn how to handle different kinds of others. All of people have their own qualities. However, sometimes people may not know how to handle different people's temperature. If we can meet more different personalities of people, it may lead us easy to join a team in our future work. Moreover, not only does it help us learn how to manage people, but it helps us learn how to become a good leader as well.

For the reasons above, I disagree that people who have different interests and personalities can not be friend.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 9, 2009   #2
The followings are my reasons. I wanted to point something out that I saw a lot of in your essay. You tend to put S's at the end of the wrong words in order to pluralize a sentence. In the example above, you have followings when following is being used as a verb for "what follows." I am not explaining this very well, haha! Just be carefu,l when adding an "s" to a word, that you want that word to express more than one.

That said, It is unnecessary to tell a reader what is going to follow. If you write it, they can't help but see what follows if they continue to read...

I disagree with the statement that people who (...) can not be friends <"people" is plural so "friends" should be plural . The followings are my reasons.

First of all, learning a lot of different experience, people can get more aspects to solve a diversity of difficulties.people learn from experience, and the more exposure they have to diverse backgrounds, the better equipped they are to deal with problems .

... it may help them and provide more manners forsolutions to problems.
... my roommate, John, ga ve me a lot of shared with me his experience interacting with other people; in addition, he invited me to join a lot of partiestogether. Therefore, he which helped me meet ...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 9, 2009   #3
Thanks Jeanie!! I'll do the other half.

Furthermore, pursuing a lot of different interests, people can expand their horizons.

Or...

Furthermore, learning a lot of different subjects , people can expand their horizons.

You cannot learn an interest.

This is a good sentence: Nowadays, a great amount...---> That is a very good, complex sentence!!

Ha ha, due to the fact that I am so lazy...you are funny.

However, sometimes people may not know how to handle different people's temperaments.
OP s011208 6 / 15  
Dec 9, 2009   #4
^^thx u correct my essay & give me feedback.

Sometimes I may use some strange words together @@
the syntax seems correct;however,it may not use in appropriate way.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 10, 2009   #5
Thanks Jeanie!! I'll do the other half.

...you kickin' me out, Kevin?? :D You would be breaking my heart; I like helping with TOEFL essays! I get to calm down a bit and think about how to explain things...valuable learning for me. :)

K. Any way...I ain't goin' nowhere, teehee!< bad bad grammar!

Furthermore, learning a lot of different interests, people can expand their horizons.

"Furthermore" seems snobbish here; it would be better if you said it plainly.

"People can expand their horizons by developing different interests..

Furthermore, learning a lot of different interests, people can expand their horizons. Nowadays, a great amount of people should pay attention to their work in this high tempo era

"...A narrow-minded focus can impede (??) both social and professional growth, especially in today's high-tempo environment."

new paragraph...
(...the way I think of paragraphs is like a pathway through the forest with pieces of candied fruit leading my way and the tinkle of a waterfall in the distance; I want to walk some more...

lead your reader with pieces of word candy - information - that will compel them to read what comes next. :)
This is a good essay,Wang! I believe in the message you bring and the arguments you make! Outstanding! I hope I am helping to clean it up a bit. If my explanations are unclear, please let me know.

Blue skies! Jeannie
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 11, 2009   #6
.I ain't goin' nowhere

Ain't got a place in the dictionary! It is a valid word. :-)

I didn't mean to give the wrong impression. I meant it was nice that you seemed to have corrected the first half... and I would finish it off. It is nice when that happens. Sometimes an essay needs a lot of correction, so if someone like you helps with part of it, I pick up where you left off.

Not kicking you out!! :-)
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 11, 2009   #7
Ain't got a place in the dictionary! It is a valid word. :-)

I know! "Crimany", a perfectly awesome word that I have been using all my life, isn't in there, but "ain't" got a spot? Crimany!

I know your intention, btw, I was just kiddin' around. I know what you mean, and fresh eye-balls are a very good thing!

Thanks!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 13, 2009   #8
Ha ha hahahah...

Is "crimany" similar to... like...

oh, ha ha I googled it and found it on an urban dictionary site. ha ha, but how do you pronounce it? I can't find the pronunciation on the Internet.. I don't know which syllable to enunciate, so I can't use it. I'll need you to 1.) provide it in an iambic line and 2.) tell me a word that rhymes with it. Fulfill those two requirements, and I'll incorporate it into my vocabulary. Also, if I organize a post-apocalyptic society one day, I'll establish it as a real word for you.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 14, 2009   #9
but how do you pronounce it?

Crime-en-ee with the accent on the first syllable.
A sentence might go like this, "Crimany, doesn't anybody work around here?"

I'll need you to 1.) provide it in an iambic line

lest ears might hear a blasphemous oath, be still
let "crimany" be a stand-in for your will

yeah, yeah, whaddya want under this kind of pressure? The whole future of a word is at stake!

2.) tell me a word that rhymes with it

Crimany! Ya stymied me! Mheep! <BTW I just discovered that sesame street purloined my onomatopoeia!

Thanks for reassuring me that I hadn't been using some weird, made-up, word all this time that nobody else knew..
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 16, 2009   #10
Mheep! <BTW I just discovered that sesame street purloined my onomatopoeia!

Crimany!

Thanks for reassuring me that I hadn't been using some weird, made-up, word all this time that nobody else knew..

On the contrary, I didn't know it! I thought it was pronounced with the emphasis on the 2nd syllable, so that it would rhyme with the name of Harry Potter's girlfriend, what's-her-name, there.

Ha ha, you are a good sport.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 16, 2009   #11
I just discovered that sesame street purloined my onomatopoeia!

I have never uttered the word 'onomatopoeia' out loud (I have no idea how to pronounce it...), but I did have cause to use 'behoove' the other day. :D So many good words, so little time.

sorry for hijacking the thread, sO...carry on.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 19, 2009   #12
Ha ha, it rhymes with John-o-mat-apeyya.

I think...


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