benefits and difficulties of smoking cessation
The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit.
What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?
Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is widely known that smoking has a negative impact on health, but for some reasons, people fail to get rid of this bad habit. Trying to be cool and loosening control of cigarette purchases are identified as the major reasons. Therefore, imposing taxes and money punishment in public places from government are introduced to address the issue.
To start with, a majority of people smoke to impress others. This act can readily be found in teenagers these days, as they are usually influenced by other bad-influential peers. As a result, those naughty adolescents will begin getting access to cancer sticks from strangers to make themselves more awesome. Another reason is that tobacco prices are still affordable, compared to people's income. Therefore, they can still obtain cigarettes with a very low-cost amount of money.
Governments should implement a long-term comprehensive legislation in order to combat against smoking. Raising taxes in cigarettes businesses is the first introduced suggestion because the cost of purchasing a cancer stick will be astronomical, so people are less likely to get it. The second solution is money penalization when catching an individual smoking in public. This method has been available in Singapore for many years, and it works effectively on the ground of its citizens' fear of being caught smoking. All in all, it is up to the local authorities to mitigate the issue of smoking.
In conclusion, there are two causes of people continuing to smoke, which are coolness and the facilitation of getting a cigarette product. Implementing high taxes and money fining are unveiled to tackle the problem.
for me..."there are two causes of ...'=> "i am confident that there are two ways to prevent people from smoking'
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,753 3795
You need to add a reference to reasoning with regards to your second sentence. A clearer presentation would be: ... as the major reasons why people cannot stop the negative activity that is detrimental to their health. "
Do not focus on cancer as a part of the discussion. This is not a health related discussion. Just a negative habit discussion. Therefore, you should not deviate from it being a simple negative activity. You are proposing a prompt deviation in this paragraph which alters the rest of the discussion from simple reasons that young adults are fond of smoking to the results of smoking. Only reasons why adolescents are enticed to smoke should be presented in this essay.
Learn to use transition sentences midstream so to create a more coherent presentation. For the first reasoning paragraph, I would have transitioned by saying; "Aside from the negative influence of their peers, the affordability of cigarettes make smoking a cheap past-time for the youth....Considering the cheap price of cigarettes, the government should be involved in an effort to minimize smoking."
The above presentation uses 2 important elements in academic grammar writing:
1. The transition sentence in the middle that allows you to discuss 2 ideas in one paragraph rather than 1 topic per paragraph
2. The smooth transition into the next paragraph which introduces the next topic before the full discussion in order to prepare the reader for the change in discussion.
This is one of your better and more improved attempts as Task 2 writing. I believe you have the potential to do better based on this exercise. Keep up the good work. You are getting close to a higher than simply passing score at this point.
I did not cite out the result of smoking relating to health. You might misunderstand my point of using the word cancer in my first paragraph, which actually is "cancer stick", a synonym of the word cigarette. That sentence means "adolescents will borrow cigarettes from strangers to gratify their smoking desire". I think I also made a mistake when referring health in my introduction, which caused you confusion in the next paragraph. But anyway you were right at the rest of your advice, as I have deviated a little in my first paragraph, and I need to use more transitioning sentences. I will try my best to keep up with this format of my writing and polish it, rather than over-discussing with run-on sentences. Thanks a lot!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,753 3795
A "cancer stick" is a slang English term. That is not acceptable in formal English which is a requirement for academic vocabulary. Since you did not know that, you used the term in such a way that caused confusion for the reader. Listen, don't just open a thesaurus and use whatever word looks impressive to you. Consider the setting by which you will use the word. If it is a slang term, do not use it. You want to show academic vocabulary, not street English vocabulary.
In this instance, all references for a cigarette that exist stem from the slang alternative of the word which was used informally to create codes to identify cigarettes and smoking during a time when this type of smoking was unacceptable in a formal or informal social setting. Therefore, the term does not have a formal English word equivalent. Hence the actual word for the item "cigarette" should be used to refer to it at all times.
The only alternative word that comes to my mind that you can use as an alternative term is "cigar" which is a rolled bundle of dried and fermented tobacco leaves made to be smoked. Now, a cigar, which is a formal and more exclusive type of cigarette, has more formal English alternative words as cigars are the tobacco of choice for the elite and well educated members of society. You could have used the alternative words for cigar in place of "cigarette" in this instance.
Street English vocabulary has no place in an academic setting and, as you saw for yourself, could result in problems with your formal academic writing requirements. Make sure you stick to non-slang, academic only, formal English vocabulary for this test. Remember, it is a test that you are taking to prove that you have a grasp of the formal academic English that you will be using as a student in the UK, Canada, or Australia.. Slang English will not help increase your C&C, LR, and GRA scores, specially when you know you might not be using it in the proper context. I am merely offering a word of caution. Take it as you will.