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Some people embrace the concept that each type of crime should carry a fixed penalty [task2]

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 2, 2017   #1
Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

factors for punishment severity

Some people embrace the concept that each type of crime should carry a fixed penalty, while others make a case that it should not be left out of the sentencing, the consideration of criminal circumstances and motivation. There is much debate about this matter. In this essay, I will discuss both points and then come up with my own insight on it.

The advocates of fixed penalty contend that it proclaims the rigidity of the law, thereby leaving no room for accommodation or leniency. One criminal offense, one punishment, none can make an exception. This sends an explicit message to people about the consequence of violating the law. Thus they will regulate their behavior accordingly. The logic behind the argument, though, prompts concerns.

Other people object that suspects tend to be penalized unfairly if the circumstances and motivation cannot gain the consideration they deserve. As an illustration, under the frame of fixed punishment, a hardened burglar stealing bread out of spite is treated in the same way as a first offender doing so to feed her hungry child. The result is that the former enjoys undue leniency or the latter suffers disproportionately. While there is admittedly a possibility of such a thorny problem, I personally join the rank of supporters for the frame.

I back fixed punishment. In my opinion, the flexibility has the loophole that is exploited to cunningly bend the law in favor of offenders, since slight circumstances or good motives can be invented out of nothing. This is exemplified by the rape lawsuit, where the defendant may purport to be an innocent man who is seduced by the scantily clad victim or aroused by her sex implication. If the circumstances of the criminality weigh heavily, the allegation will not merely mitigate the severity, but attach a stigma to the victim.

Based on all these reasons I have provided, my conclusion is that the circumstances and motivations, despite their merits, should not be taken into consideration in the sentencing. Fixed punishment ought to be enforced. Whoever commits the same crime ought to be subject to the same penalty.

I've changed my way of writing the conclusion paragraph, added a transition sentence in the end of each body paragraph and focused on one topic in a single paragraph. Hope the changes work.

I would more appreciate it if you score my essay. I set a challenging goal of 8 for my task 2, though I know I have a long way to go.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Oct 2, 2017   #2
I believe that you can score between a 7 and a 7.5 with this essay depending upon the other considerations that the examiner will base the final scoring considerations upon. You are inching your way closer to the 8 band score with every essay that you write. The way that you learned to effectively use transition sentences between paragraphs shows a writing advancement that will definitely increase your GRA score. Between an accurate paraphrasing, which gets you a high TA score, and the improvement in your writing (the addition of the transition sentences) you will definitely be getting an 8 soon enough. I would however, like to point out that the bread story is one that could be considered plagiarism because that is the most commonly used example in this essay prompt. In every instance when you need to provide an example to support a claim, use a modern or newer example that people can better identify with. Nobody steals bread anymore these days. That will be impossible to do with today's security measures. A more appropriate example would have been skimming a credit card as opposed to actually stealing the card and then using it. Another advice I would like to give you is to use the same transition keyword at the start of the new paragraph. When you say "concerns", that is different from "object". If people are concerned, they do not necessarily object. So either use the word "object" twice or use "concerns" twice. For example, you could have said;

Other people are concerned that suspects...

Do you see how the flow of logic and emotion smoothly opens up the new paragraph when you compare it with your use of the word "object"? That is how you score even better in the GRA. This sort of transition and opening signifies a higher degree of control in terms of paragraph development and sentence structure / development.

I admire the conclusion that you created. Most of the work that you did in this essay shows a marked improvement over the previous problematic presentations. You have redeemed yourself ten times over with this essay. Good job! Keep writing. I believe in you and your capacity to perhaps gain a perfect score by the time you finally decide to take the test.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 2, 2017   #3
Glad to hear your advice. I shall keep improving my writing accordingly.

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