QUESTION; Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Humans are the most diverse group of species in the animal kingdom who greatly differ from one another in respect of their physical and psychological characteristics. I believe this is the main reason why some people are attracted towards dangerous sports or activities while others abstain from engaging in such things. In my view, those who have a strong liking towards this phenomenon, display certain physical and mental characteristics. These characteristics include superior physical strength, self confidence and low degree of risk averseness. Although I believe these are the most prominent aspects that promote one to be attracted towards dangerous activities or sports, there may be other reasons too, such as optimism, religious beliefs, misconceptions, irrational thinking etc.
To begin with, humans differ in their physical strengths. Just think why hand fights are a common sight in many boys' schools. It is because the boys who possess strong physiques love to display their strength in front of others. This is the same phenomenon that applies to the adult sportsmen who engage in dangerous sports such as boxing, rugby, wrestling etc. For these sportsmen with superior physical strength, it is the satisfaction they derive from engaging in these sports what matters more, in contrast to the risks that these sports would impose on themselves. On the contrary, someone with much weaker physique would not dare to think of engaging in such dangerous sports.
In addition, the level of confidence too is a significant factor that promotes people to engage in dangerous activities. For example, a diver would not perform a summersault if he or she is not confident of doing it. If this diver makes a mistake in his/her movement, he or she may bang on the diving board which may cause serious injuries to the diver. However, the same diver may have trembled in his or her first attempt of making this summersault since the diver did not have any confidence of making a perfect dive at that point. Therefore, confidence too plays a very vital role in eliminating one's fears and ambiguities and promotes them to involve in dangerous activities.
More over, the level of risk averseness of an individual is an important aspect in this regard. When a person is less risk averse, he would be ready to take high risks without giving much thought about the negative impacts they may cause later. However, the people who are more risk averse tend to be careful about their actions. For example, people who engage in dangerous activities such as drug trafficking and robbery, do not realize the danger that they are going to put themselves in. The reason is they do not mind taking such high risks.
In summery, the differences between individuals in terms of their mental and physical characteristics cause some people to be attracted towards performing dangerous sports and other activities. The physical strength, confidence and the risk averseness are among the prominent aspects that lead to this phenomenon.
Okay, since this is an toefl test, I assume that English is not your first language.
Here are my suggestion to your essay:
1) Restrain from abusing thesaurus. I know it is a great way to improve your vocabulary in your essay, but the negative impact is that if you use the wrong words, it will totally throw off the readers. Big and fancy words sometimes can make your essay sound awkward. For example the words "high risk averse", the word averse means have a strong feeling of opposition, so it it correct when you said high risk averse which means people that oppose high risk; however, that is very confusing to the reader, just come out and use normal vocabulary to describe what you want. Remember, the readers should never have to stop to try and make sense of your writing.
2) somersault, not summersault.
3) I don't think you can describe human physical and mental characteristic as diverse. The word diverse is not the right choice of word here since if you want to compare human to the animal kingdom. We are on a different level, animals don't think like we do. Again, stay away from such higher level of vocabulary and complex sentence structure, just say people think differently or their attitude/perspective toward such activities are different from each other.
4) This is a persuasive essay, don't use passive words such as "Although I believe", or "In my view" take a stand and convince your reader. When we read your essay, we already know that this is your believe and your view. Say those words will make your essay weaker.
5) It is true that your conclusion should be similar to your thesis; however, at least rephrase it in such way that the reader won't find that they just rereading a sentence above.
6) Some other grammars issues, but I don't think i can help with that since I am not a grammar person.
Good luck with your test and sorry if i was being a jerk and too nit pick about this :)
I'm glad to have more feedbacks as I'll be takingtoefl in a few days.
I am still practicing. I will try to use your technique. I know so many technique but the problem is I do not use it anything because I am so worried and anxiety during the test. Anyway, Thanks for your advice.
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