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People experience problems while living abroad, especially those in the middle age (35 - 54)


ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Aug 25, 2016   #1
The chart illustrates the percentage of people living abroad that experience integration problems grouped by their age. It mentions there are three main problems faced by the newcomer which are sorting out finances, sorting out healthcare and finding schools for children.

Overall, the highest number of people who get difficult on all these problems is experienced by the people in the middle age (35 - 54 years old) compared with the younger (18 - 34 years old) and the older (over 55 years old), that have 37 percent at sorting out healthcare, 35 percent at sorting out finances and 19 percent at finding schools for children. People over 55 years old have the lowest number in finding schools for their children at around 3 percent, also they get the smallest percentage compared with the other age in sorting out finances at under 30 pecent. In sorting out healthcare, the young people give the smallest percentage at around 33 percent.




ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 25, 2016   #2
The bar chart illustrates the percentage
don't forget to mention type of data

Overall, the highest number of people who ...
i think this sentence is too long and it makes your analyses little bit confusing. therefore, you should break it into another sentence.

Overall, the highest number of people who get difficult ... (e complete sentence)

compared with the younger (18 - 34 years old) => extend to a sentence

the older (over 55 years old), that have 37 ... => extend to a sentence35 percent at sorting out finances ... => extend to a sentence
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
Hi, Ashela :)

The vertical bar chart illustrates three integration problems deal with people who is living abroad. It is grouped by their age. It mentions there are three ...

Overall, the highest number of people who ...

I think that it is not the appropriate place to write an overview.
You should put it in the first paragraph or at the end.
Also, you should mention the general trend there,


Overall, it is noticeable that people in the middle age (35-54 years old) experienced more difficulties in all categories.
tyar32 10 / 14  
Aug 26, 2016   #4
Hi
There are many suggestions for you. I hope it will help you to develop your writing skill.

the highest number of people who get difficult on all these problems is experienced by the people in the middle age (35 - 54 years old) ----> the group of 25 to 54 years becom the highest number with ........

you can devided into 3 paragraph that
try to make a concept before you write, so examiner not confused where is the conclusion

tyar32
Heru22 5 / 7 1  
Aug 26, 2016   #5
hi, i try to give some feedback for your essay
i think your introduction too long, make it simple

The diagram illustrates the problem which people face when they go to live overseas countries in three different ages.

after the introduction you could write overall view in one sentence or more. ( i am sorry that i could give you more suggestion about the case because i can not read your image of diagram clearly.

in the last i suggest you to use mathematical expression in detail so your pattern is not boring.

it is my suggestion, i hope it could help you
break a leg.
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 27, 2016   #6
Hi my lovely classmate,

- ... three main problems which are faced by the newcomer ...
- The elderly people People(over 55 years old) have the lowest number in ...

You can make the overview become one paragraph with introduction. Yo do not need to explain all the numbers, it is better to explain by grouping the graph.

Hopefully it helps. Keep Writing Ella.


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