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IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Some people fail on their school but achieve success in their adult


sweetstar 1 / -  
Feb 10, 2014   #1
Some people fail on their school but achieve success in their adult life. Why do you think this will happen?
What causes/reasons may lead to a person's successful life?

It is noticeable that although many individuals who had poor performance academically in their school time,they become very successful in terms of their career or other part of their life. This is due to the fact that information and skills acquired from our education systems are not enough for a promising life in the modern society.

It is undeniable that even a well-designed education model is just focused on giving a majority of young people to acquire some basic knowledge and skills for earning a living in their adult life. These school courses and trainings are just a foundation and beginning of one's life, people need to work hard and use their resources, such as family background and talent to achieve a variety of goals throughout their life.

There are different kinds of reasons that may result different kinds of success. First, having a clear target and working for it diligently are always essential. A person need to set up a clear plan and achievable goal when they trying to obtain an achievement. People's talent and personality is another importance on their way to success. We can notice that many individuals doing similar things with different results in terms of success and failure, not because of making more or less effort but resulting from these two facts mentioned above. There are also a number of other elements, which include family background, chances and even technological development that affects one's life.

To conclude, in my perspective, better performances at school do not necessarily lead to succeeds in our life and vice versa. Because there are countless causes that lead to a successful life. But I insist that working hard for a reasonable goal is always the road for a success.

291 words. thanks!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 10, 2014   #2
Why do you think this will happen? What causes/reasons may lead to a person's successful life?

To me, these two questions to answer should be re-said in your intro.

these school courses and trainings are just a foundation and beginning of one's life, people need to work hard and use their resources, such as family background and talent to achieve a variety of goals throughout their life.

the sentence is too long. You'd better break them into two. I also see that there are two sentences join together, called a run-on sentence/ fused sentence
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 11, 2014   #3
It is noticeable that although many individuals who had poor performance academically in their school time,they become very successful in terms of their career or other part of their life

This idea you have presented in a more complicated manner which is not very good. The reader needs to comprehend what you say in the easiest way and therefore you need to give him less work to grab his attention towards your writing :)

There are many cases to prove that individuals who had not performed academically well, had become very successful in their adult lives.


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