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IELTS: People are more fashionable now. What factors contribute to this?


kvnpeng 1 / 1  
Apr 7, 2011   #1
Please check my writing for my IELTS.your any kind of appropriate suggestion will be appreciated.I'm looking for band 6 in my IELTS writing.so please give me some advice:)

People nowadays are more easily influenced by fashion, especially on their clothes and hairstyle. What factors lead to the phenomenon? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Currently, people are paying a lot of attention on fashion, especially in the dressing and adorning of the hair. In fact, there are many factors lead to this phenomenon.

Firstly, media plays a key role in influencing people's opinions. More and more media attention is paid to clothing, foot wear and accessories. People are living in the world wherever media takes as the main interface to exchange information. Television, magazines and outdoor advertisings are fulfilled with a variety of fashion which includes new clothing collection on Milan fashion weeks, iPad2 published in New York, or LV bags shown in Paris. People are more easily attracted by these fashion goods and influenced by the fashion trend.

Another important factor is more likely the modern lifestyles of human beings. In the past, most clothing was custom made. It was handmade for individuals, either as home production or on order from dressmakers; however, modern technologies make it possible to be mass-produced in standard sizes and sold at fixed prices. In that case, people have more chances to choose clothing designed by other countries in different style.

Overall, I think that people following fashion is a good trend. It shows their thinking is modern and flexible. They are willing to accept and process new ideas which help to expand their outlook. Furthermore, fashion maybe a good way to help people alleviate pressures of their daily life. Wearing new clothes would show your confidence and make you happy for a whole day.

Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Apr 8, 2011   #2
Furthermore, fashion may be a good way to help people alleviate pressures of their daily life. ("May be" in this sentence are two words, not "maybe")

I think after your introduction you should have a space before writing your second paragraph. By the way, this is a good writing. Hope you can get band 6 for your IELTS writing .
OP kvnpeng 1 / 1  
Apr 8, 2011   #3
Scientiana,

Thanks a lot for your advice:) I indeed learn a lot from your correction.

--Kevin .P
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Apr 9, 2011   #4
Excellent advice here. Kevin, please type the essay again using her corrections. If you have questions, ask us, and we'll try to help.

I'll give a few more ideas here:

Firstly, the media plays a key role in influencing people's opinions.

More and more media attention is paid to clothing, footwear, and accessories.

People are living in the world wherever media takes as the main interface to exchange information. Try to simplify here. I don't know what you mean to say...

Television, magazines and outdoor advertisings are fulfilled filled with a variety of fashion displays which include new clothing collections on Milan fashion weeks, the iPad2 published in New York, or LV bags shown in Paris.---Is the iPad really a matter of fashion? Yes, I guess it is fashionable!

:-)

Fulfill means something like "satisfied." I think you meant to write "filled."


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