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Some people are feeling unsecured either when they are at home or outside


tinytinisea 2 / 4  
Jul 15, 2015   #1
Please help me to find and correct my mistakes, many thanks.

Some people are now worried about their safety not only when they are at home but outside as well. There are two main reasons for this problem, which need to be figured out and prevented.

First of all, crimes are committed widely and openly. It does not matter where you are and what time it is, you may become a victim of a theft, a abductor or even a murder. It is now really dangerous outside! That robbery is likely to take place in your house anytime leads to people's fear of being harmed. Those problem resulted from the increasing number of unemployments. Unemployed, many people find it is hard to make end meet and as the last option, they become a criminal. Criminals have become more dangerous recently, which makes a lot of people do not feel very comfortable in the daily life. Moreover, serious accidents happen every day without warning. This reason undoubtedly increases the feeling of being unsecured.

From my perspective, we ourselves can improve this situation. Before going out, we can bring along a small knife or a electronic gun to protect ourselves. At home, we should hide valuable things somewhere only we know and lock the door carefully. To add more, we should not always think abour our fear but to focus on our work and life. For the ways to avoid accidents, we should pay more attention and be more careful. It is not very hard for us to prevent ourselves from being the victims, and as long as we can relieve our fear, we can live a comfortable life.

In conclusion, the increase in crime rate and accidents bring about people's being unsecured either when they are at home or outside. We, however, can prevent this by being well - prepared and careful.

shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Jul 15, 2015   #2
Hi tinytinisea, welcome to EssayForum :)

I have some corrections for your writing.
1. It is better if you write the question completely so that the readers can provide meaningful feedback for your essay.

2. Articles 'a' and 'an'
- aan abductor > the article 'a' is followed by consonant sounds: a teacher, a car, a university (a yuniversity), etc
- aan electronic gun > the article 'an' is followed by vowel sounds: an actor, an invitation, an hour (an auer),etc.

3. There are two main reasons for this problem

First of all , crimes are committed widely and openly. [...] This reason undoubtedly increases the feeling of being unsecured.

I only find one idea or one reason in this paragraph (in blue) : crimes. Unemployment, it cannot be your another (second) reason as it explain 'crimes'. So, I suggest you to rewrite this part in order to be logical since your essay will be assessed for its coherence.

4. Faulty parallelism

either when they are at home or outside

This element should be in the same grammatical form: when they are eitherat homeorat an outside location .

Hope this helps. Cheers
OP tinytinisea 2 / 4  
Jul 16, 2015   #3
Thank you very much for your help!!!!!!


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