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People with five distinctive employment status allocating their spare time

Sep 12, 2017   #1
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status

men and women enjoying their life

The bar chart depicts how male and female of five distinctive employment status allocated their spare time over the 1998-99 period.

Overall, men spent a lot of their free time than women. Another visible trend is that, in some employment status such as employed part-time and housewives, just only women had spare time while men did not show any shreds of evidence for giving time to relax.

Free time hours consumed by both genders when they were unemployed and retired were the same. Men always devoted their time to relax in both two sections was higher than women. The figures were slightly over 80 hours and about 70 hours, respectively. Additionally, men were also attracted to have more time to entertain themselves than women in employed full-time. Men's involvement in this status was nearly 50 hours, whereas the figure for women was a little under 40 hours.

In employed part-time status, women spent approximately 40 hours as leisure time while there was no record for any hours spent by their counterparts. This figure rose more than 10 hours for women in Housewives status comparing to employed part-time.

(182 words)

Questions: Do I need to use past tense in all sentences?

Holt [Contributor] 1543  
Sep 12, 2017   #2
Khoa, let me try and explain the formatting of the Task 1 essay to you. I feel that I have to do this because you have a very big problem when it comes to representing the contents of the illustrations you are provided for analysis.

Paragraph 1:
1. Type of illustration
2. Objective of the illustration
3. Measurement type including the factors for measurement (age, gender, classification, etc.)
4. Discussion instruction
5. Trending discussion (optional)

Paragraph 2 - Discussion of general information
Paragraph 3 - Comparisons, similarities, and other information
Paragraph 4 - Optional, any other information required.

Unless otherwise specified, you must always use past tense in the narration of the information. You may however, find yourself using all 2 tenses in the presentation depending upon the information that is presented in the diagram / illustration.

Based upon the above divisions, you should recognize the immediate problem points in your essay. Your biggest mistake is that you limit the use of the actual data from the essay in your presentation. Whenever provided, present the actual hours used by each classification. More importantly, you need to mention the classifications in the summary overview because that is required information for the reader. If you use the format I provided you with above in every essay, you should be able to keep track of the important discussion points and cover all of the required information for the reader.
Sep 13, 2017   #3
Well. I think you should change the way you describe the information because it looks too simple.You can also change the name of the factors in the bar chart in order to avoid the repetition.And the first sentence in the third paragraph, in my opinion, can be misunderstood because it may be thought that the free time hours both genders consumed were equal.

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