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Ielts Writing task 2 - People forget the meaning of festivals and only want to enjoy themselves

vicz001 3 / 9  
Nov 15, 2020   #1
Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

These days, it is often argued that individuals no longer remember the underlying meaning of traditional or religious festivals, and during the festival time, people just want to have fun. While I agree that people do prioritize enjoyment at the festival, I disagree with the view that they have forgotten the festival's meaning.

On the one hand, after a year of hard work, people look forward to festivals as a time to relax and take a break from busy life. For example, religious festivals like Christmas are often be seen as an excuse to party and shop, with people costume like Santa greetings in front of malls and playing with children. Similar behavior could be seen during some non-religious festivals, such as the Vietnamese Lunar New Year when all of the Vietnamese students are allowed to be absent from school, and their parent does not have to work, they often gathering around and decorating their homes, giving and receiving presents, as well as buying new clothes.

On the other hand, I do not agree with the idea that the original meaning of festivals has been forgotten. This is because at an early age, Vietnamese offsprings have known about the meaning of their festivals and culture through their family. Additionally, in primary school, the teacher would tell students stories about the legend and the history of these festivals. For example, children in Vietnam are taught about the Lunar New Year's history and the reason for celebrating it. The same is true for festivals with a religious background, such as Christmas or buddha's birthdays, parents will tell their children the story behind these occasions.

In conclusion, I believe not just because people often celebrate festivals with joyfulness, it would mean they have forgotten the festival's value.

Thank you for reading my essay
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,304 3989  
Nov 15, 2020   #2
You have not changed enough of the words from the original presentation to qualify your paraphrase as "an original in your own words". It uses mostly cut and paste keywords from the original. Which will pose a problem for your TA score as it will be judged as mostly memorized or cut and paste phrases. You are not responding properly to the question and have changed the discussion instruction in the process. The original question was "To what extent?" meaning a measured response with a single opinion. You decided to create your own discussion instruction by responding in a comparative manner. Therefore, these TA errors alone will ensure a failing score for your essay. That failing score will be based on your response which barely responds to the task requirement because you failed to deliver a clear position on the given discussion. I do not have to review your essay any further at this point. The more errors I find, the clearer it becomes that you do not have a properly developed discussion presentation. That means, this presentation may not even get close to a passing score in an actual test.
OP vicz001 3 / 9  
Nov 16, 2020   #3
Thank you for your review. Can I ask whether my matter is
My main idea or I did not express my position, or I did not address all parts of the task. I know a really weak in Writing, but could you indicate my mistake, so that I could learn from it. I find it really hard to avoid TA mistakes.

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