IELTS ESSAY - people are forgetting national celebrations and enjoying on other days.

IELTS TASK2 ESSAY:
QUESTION:
Nowadays people are forgetting national celebrations and enjoying themselves on other days that are important to them personally. Discuss and give your opinion.

ANSWER:
In this modern life, people are giving more preference to other day celebrations than the national celebrations. As they are enjoying other days as it give more happiness and socialism. There are various reasons people are disdain their national celebration. In this essay I will explain more detail about the various causes behind it.

Undeniably, other day celebrations like Valentine's day, Friendship day, Holy, Deepavali, Christmas etc., are celebrated imperative all over the world. The essence is they are sharing love, affection and gifts. Due to financial crisis, government education policy makes younger generation losing their national spirit. For example, in Britain most of the youth protest due to increase of tuition fees, unemployment and education funding cuts.

Moreover, due to increase in tax payment, higher competition in job, which force people to concentrate on their ambition rather than on their nation. School children are forced to study for long hours to get good marks instead of knowing values, culture of their country. Due to international trade policy, some countries burden on their people. For example, In India, people are fury on the government decision on hiking petrol and diesel prices steadily make people to focus on money instead of their nation.

In addition, due to corruption of the government servants who make people are against the nation. It results in financial crisis force people to migrate to other richer countries to enrich lifestyle. For example, In India, due to poverty and unemployment, people are migrating to wealthy nations like United States of America, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, etc.

In a nutshell, patriotism in all over the world fading gradually due to various reasons and forces them to celebrate on other days instead of their national day celebrations. Children should be taught national values, integrity, brotherhood and discipline. Government employees are protector of the nation they should be honest in their work and well being of their nation which will result in prosperity and integrity in their nation.

Nowadays, people have given their personal celebrations more prominence than national celebrations.

I wouldn't say that people are disdain towards national celebrations. It's just that it doesn't seem important to them anymore.

Hai dev...

Nice essay...
Great improvement is writting...

:Due to finacial cricis===> financial cricis, governmental polices and so on, make younger....

The same way...

Moreover, due to...===Moreover, increase in tax payment, higher competition in jobs and so forth, oblige people to....

You used so many times due to :try to express the ideas in another way..

Tessy

Overall the arguement are good, while the supports such as examples are somehow weak. I think you need enhance the logical relationship between the topic and the support.