I have written a little essay.
Would you give some advice.
Thanks in advance.
In the 21th century, the communication between people and people become more and more frequent. Some people say that people nowadays are not as friendly as people were in the past. I do not think so. People seem to be friendlier now.
// ESSAY PRE-PUBLISHED //
XUHAN
hello, XUHAN
i have read your writing, the topic is quite good, but the outline isnt clear, you should make the main topic concise such as: "... people seem friendlier now because of some reasons. first of all, ... secondly,... i think it'll be better. right! hihi.
you also have some grammar and spelling mistakes. i think you can see them if you read it again. and you use some words many times, you should you some similar meaning words...
good lucky next time!!!
remember comment for my writing next time!!!!
bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the 21th century, the communication between people and peoplehave become more and more frequent. Some people say that people nowadays are not as friendly as people were in the past. I do not think so.This is a fragment. People seem to be friendlier now. This is also a fragment, maybe combine both sentences.
People these years have become more friendly and kind-hearted. They would like to help others and washwish for no pay backthis sounds awkward . In my hometown, there is a little girl who was badly ill and almost lost her life. Her family was poor and had no money to pay her bill. A kind-hearted journalist heard about her story and wrote a report in the newspaper. Many people in our city saw the story and tried their best to help the pourpoor girl. They gave money and clothes to her. Finally, with the help of many good people and generous hospital which cured the girl for free, her illness was cured .
As you know, there was a terrible earthquake that happened in Sichuan province in 2008. Many people died in this disaster.These two sentences are fragments.All ourOur entire country was crying. We Chinese people tried whatever we cancould to help the people in trouble. We gave money clothes and food watermoney, clothes, food, and water to help the people in stricken region to go through the catastrophe This sounds awkward, I would change it . We also served as volunteers to help the area. All the country show The entire country helped with their generosity. great generosity to help.
Higher educational levelPost secondary education is an important reason to make people friendly. People are now receiving high education than the past. They are taught to be a good person since they were children. They think they have responsibility to help poor people. This seems awkward and weird. There's no flow from the last paragraph to this one.
Secondly, technology and science develop fast and make our life easier than in the past. We need not to pay all attention to making a living. We have time to do other things such as helping other people who are in trouble. We are richer than before, so we can do much charity to help people who are poor or in some trouble they cannot go through by themselves. Again, this seems awkward and weird. There's no flow from the last paragraph to this one.
All in all, people these years seem to be friendlier than they were in the past. We now have a great wi ll to help people who are in trouble.
There was a lot of grammatical and spelling errors. You kept switching tenses. Personally, I think you can write a better essay.
I don't think it is good to use "In the 21th century" in your beginning, I use it a lot in chinese essays, but i think you'd better use "nowadays" instead in English
