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People must give much effort to success besides our pray to the God for getting a successful life.


Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 30, 2016   #1
Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion

A large number of factors which certain people say can make someone success while others think only hard work and trying hard are reasons for achieving a desire. Personally, I tremendously believe that people must give much effort to success besides our pray to the god for giving a successful life.

To begin, humans are not able to reach their dream without do anything. If they have a high dream, they must give hard work to make it come true. Taking my friend as an example, his name is Irwan. He is one of the most successful students in my university because he got scholarship to continue his study in Hiroshima University Japan before he graduated from undergraduate program. Behind this, he put all of his energy to study hard and made my lecture promoted him to Japan government. Therefore, nothing is able to happen without hard work or determination. If people want to success, there is a large amount of sweat, tear, time and energy they put on it.

However, many people do not realize that there is one main another factor. It is our destiny. We should never forget after much energy is given to raise a desire, after that pray to the God who creates a destiny. Only him who is able to help us, thus every step to success will feel easier. A numerous number of persons has felt the strongest of praying in their successful life. For instance is my father. He always prays to God thus his effort is answered with his dream becomes reality now. Finally, our destiny depends on our pray to God and our big effort to make a beautiful destiny.

To sum up, I believe that determination and hard work are causes to raise success. Both factors, must be supported with always remember to the god and pray for a successful life.

faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 30, 2016   #2
Hello Miss Dioba :p, this just little suggestion for you:

while others think only hard work and trying hard are reasons for achieving a desire

You see that these blue word mean REPETITION. I suggest to you to change it into the synonym of hard : like this:

while others think only hard work and SERIOUSLY TRYING / TRYING TAXING / are reasons for achieving a desire

... people must give much effort (...) for giving a successful life.

It is kind of repetition again although different form of verb. Why you don't change the second word with GETTING ? It looks like better.

to continue his study in Hiroshima University (need comma here) Japan

made my lecture promoted him to Japan government

double verb 2. made ---> v2 + my lecture ---> noun + promoted ---> v2 again.

In Cambridge Dictionary if you search "make" there is an example that it must be form like that :
made my lecture promotes / made my lecture promoting / made my lecture to promote


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