Hello Miss Dioba :p, this just little suggestion for you:
while others think only hard work and trying hard are reasons for achieving a desire
You see that these blue word mean REPETITION. I suggest to you to change it into the synonym of hard : like this:
while others think only hard work and
SERIOUSLY TRYING / TRYING TAXING / are reasons for achieving a desire
... people must give much effort (...) for giving a successful life.
It is kind of repetition again although different form of verb. Why you don't change the second word with GETTING ? It looks like better.
to continue his study in Hiroshima University (need comma here) Japan
made my lecture promoted him to Japan government
double verb 2. made ---> v2 + my lecture ---> noun + promoted ---> v2 again.
In Cambridge Dictionary if you search "make" there is an example that it must be form like that :
made my lecture promotes / made my lecture promoting / made my lecture to promote