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TOEFL "Some people are always in a hurry to go places and get things done."


s011208 6 / 15  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
Hello, everyone
I prepare for ibt writting, I need some feedback plz ^^.

Topic : Some people are always in a hurry to go places and get things done. Other people prefer to take their time and live life at a slower pace. Which do you prefer?

I prefer to go places and get things done than other. My reasons are as follows.

First of all, living in the hurry tempo in my daily lives, I gain more pressures to let me finish the work more efficiently and effectively. If people do not suffer from enough pressure to lead to do things more quickly, it may waste a large amount of time. For example, when I was a student in college, I tend to finish my jobs as quick as I can. I used to check my jobs again and again until that I thought the best jobs I've did. After that, I can do a lot of things what I want and totally enjoy my leisure time without any things that may bother me.

Second, it help me gain achievement and kudos. One of the major reasons is that I always suffer from pressure, so that I can train myself to taste pressure through trials and errors no matter it is heavy. I, for one, usually try to limit time to achieve one goal under pressure which may decrease my failures in the future work. Because if people always live life at a slower pace, they will suffer from a lot of vital problems, such as doing jobs ineffective. Eventually, it will let their abilities to drop down at the moment just because of they must finish their own work in the limitation of time; however, if they do not, they will be fired and lose a great number of advantages in hunting jobs.

Last but not least, to expose themselves under pressure, people can learn more useful things and gain more experiences from their daily lives. People can acquire more knowledge when they are in schools and know how to control their timetable in efficient ways. Not only can it help people do their jobs systematically, but it also helps them do their jobs more aggressively. So that living in the high paces, people can gain more beneficial in their daily lives.

For the reasons above, I prefer to go places and get things done than other.
(28: 00 mins)(351 words)

hitchhike 14 / 27  
Nov 25, 2009   #2
hi,
just some suggestions:

You don't have intro...I think, it is very important for beginning and attracting your reader to follow.

it helps me to gain achievement

I, for one,

vital problems... doing jobs ineffectively is VITAL problem?

People can acquire more knowledge when they... I think, this sentence didn't support your topic sentence
OP s011208 6 / 15  
Nov 25, 2009   #3
THX ^^

By the way, I want to ask

so that I can train myself to taste pressure through trials and errors no matter it is "heavy"

I wrote this sentence above, using "heavy" is correct? or there are other adj that I can use?

such as "strong" pressure? I am not sure about that

Thx ur feedback^^
kooka 1 / 5  
Nov 30, 2009   #4
Hi, s011208,

One thing that catch my eye in your essay is the expressions "suffer from pressure", "not enough suffer". For my taste it's too strong. Maybe it would be more calm to say "is under time pressure" or something like that :)

Imho, the main weak point of essay is the lack of live examples, i.e. you make statements but don't support them.

For example :)
Not only can it help people do their jobs systematically, but it also helps them do their jobs more aggressively. Why?

if people always live life at a slower pace, they will suffer from a lot of vital problems, such as doing jobs ineffective. Why?


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